Just desserts.

...continued from yesterday's "Karma."

Folks who fart as frequently and freely as we do really do deserve a gaggle of flatulent animals.

A few years ago, we got Jessie, a Boston Terrier who is the sweetest dog. She is smart and tenacious, and she farts. She doesn't fart a little, she doesn't let go of SBDs*, she farts, audibly, ALL THE TIME. She has the walking farts as she walks out of a room pffffttt, pffffttt, pffffttt, pffffttt. She will fart while she waits for you to throw a ball for her, pbtbtbtbtzzzbtbt (followed by the joyful wagging of her little, callused, stump of a tail). She will fart while she is curled up in the living room sleeping while everyone surrounding her is enjoying a peaceful, quiet evening, thrrrrrrrptptptptptptflpflpflpflpflprrrrrrtttroot. It’s not something we looked for in a pet, but it just happened…and it couldn’t have happened to a more fitting family.

A few months ago, Gunnar joined ranks. Gunnar is a seven month old Golden Retriever and while he doesn’t fart like the rest of us, he slurps at the water dish so LOUDLY, it sounds like someone is splashing around in a kiddie pool...and then he burps like a human being… his belches rival those heard in a junior high cafeteria.

Bob is the cat. Bob was a stray and he's maybe five years old. When he performs any bodily function, he does so quietly and gracefully, like any dignified cat would (except for hacking up a hairball, which turns any cat into nothing more than a caricature - AACK!! - click on the cat picture to animate him...). Bob looks at the two other creatures with a great deal of distain. The fact that he has to listen to their slurping at the water dish, farting, and burping is more than he can bear some days.

Hey, Bob, you crap in a box. Get over yourself.


*SBDs = Silent but Deadlies (something anyone who made it through 5th grade without eating paste would know).