{Queue Jumping}

State fair.

2010-08-06T21:01:00.001-06:00

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'

~Jeff Foxworthy

Such a follower.

2010-04-10T17:39:00.003-06:00

Mom says "Jump!" and I say, "How high?" It's always been that way, hasn't it, mom? (heh heh)

Mom moved her blog over to Wordpress and I went over and poked around. There are some neat features I can't get here... so I'm heading over there!

Come and join me at: http://queuejumping.wordpress.com/

Genius, I tell you.

2010-04-09T21:57:00.003-06:00

Pay day was today - payday for chores, that is. A month ago, the girls were getting $10 a week and I was a raving lunatic because I was begging... pleading...cajoling them to do chores... this week, the house has been peaceful AND tidy! I actually got the stiff-arm one day as I tried to empty the dishwasher, "No, mom - you sit down! I'll do it!"

I paid them for their week's GOOD work (and it WAS good - they did a great job!) McKenna made $8.50 and Josey made $9.40.

Genius.

I hate wind.

2010-04-08T19:10:00.000-06:00

I left a committee meeting at the hill today and I literally couldn't catch my breath as I made my way from the building to the car! My car door, whipped open by the wind, hit me in the jaw. I sat for a few minutes in the car, checking my phone before I took off, and I was certain the luggage rack had been ripped off the roof.

Is there anything we can do to prevent wind? If we send out an email forward to everyone in our address books and get everyone to stand on their porches and inhale simultaneously... okay, I'm grasping, but I HATE this stuff!

I am a genius.

2010-04-07T20:36:00.000-06:00

I don't mind giving the girls an allowance. They are busy with school, there ARE, thankfully, child-labor laws, and they need spending money for the things they do with their friends. Kids don't need a lot of money, but having it naturally forces them to make decisions about spending it, and we all need practice doing that.

I over-estimated the girls' ability to budget money, though, and I have been giving them allowance once a month. I know... that is even hard for an adult to manage... and then recently, I was again feeling overwhelmed by work and home keeping (as Jesse calls it), and I decided to put down my foot and say, "If you aren't pitching in, I'm not paying!"

I created a situation where a teenager is perpetually crabby about not having any money and I'm coughing up dough here and there for her to do things for her friends because she really HAS NO MONEY! ...so she is NOT forced to make decisions about money!

On Monday, I went to lunch with the ladies who did the grant-writing workshop with me and the subject of kids pitching in at home and allowances came up. I started brainstorming and thought of a new plan...

I created a "menu" of chores and what each was worth: empty the dishwasher for 50¢, fold a basket of clothes for 75¢... each girl will attach her menu to the fridge, do chores, have a parent initial for it, and get paid for it on Friday!

My house hasn't been this clean in WEEKS! They are FIGHTING over who gets to take out the trash and who gets to fold the clothes!

McKenna scoffed at the amounts they would get paid for each... until she was unloading the dishwasher, complaining about a measly 50¢, and when she finished, I told her, "you spent five whole minutes doing that... which is $10 per hour... get over yourself!" She is done complaining.

The three rules are listed at the bottom of the menu:

1. To get paid for a chore, you need to do it well, without parental pestering, and then show a parent to sign off on it. If it's done well, you will get paid for it.

2. From time to time, you will be asked to do one of the chores - RIGHT THEN - when it needs to be done. If you do it the first time you are asked and you do it well, you will get paid; if you have to be reminded multiple times, or pestered about it in any other way, you will still need to do it, but you won't be paid for it.

3. Payday is on Friday.

I am a genius.

Dude.

2010-04-07T20:11:00.002-06:00

James came into my office after school and rushed over to my desk, pulling up his short-sleeved t-shirt to reveal his shoulder. "Look what I got last night!" He showed me this huge tattoo that covered the top of his shoulder (this isn't a picture of him, but I found this on the Internet and it looks just like it - I think his might have been bigger though.) It was red around the edges, being as fresh as it is and all I could say was "Geez! Did it hurt??" His response was, "Dude." (In case you don't know any teenaged boys, that can mean any number of things, but in this instance, I interpreted it to mean, "shit, yes!!")

I asked what his dad thought about it and he answered, "He doesn't know yet... I told him I had something to show him and he couldn't get mad. He said okay." I asked why he didn't need parent approval since he's not 18! He said, "Seriously. I know a guy." Oh... well of course he does...

I guess when you've gone through hell with your kid and he's still standing, a tattoo is small potatoes... I sure hope his dad thinks so... because he's getting his other shoulder done as we speak.

15-2; 15-4.

2010-04-06T08:19:00.001-06:00

I attended the first half of a grant writing workshop yesterday. It has been hosted by the Police Department so there were lots of public-sector types there. It was solid information from 9:00 to 4:00 with a break for lunch and WOW! did I learn a lot!

The girls had school today, so after I took them to school, I had an hour and a half to kill before I need to be back to the PD, so I stopped at a coffee shop with free WiFi (hold on, isn't that ALL coffee shops now? ...except Starbucks? ...where nothing is free...) I love this particular coffee shop downtown where the floors are creaky and it smells like one of the oldest buildings I used to love on my college campus. I have been sitting here doing a little work on my online class and visiting with a few people who are coming and going (you know how I love small talk!)

Just as I settled in to write about something really meaty - like processing what I thought about yesterday at the workshop, I hear the familiar cracking of a deck of cards on a wooden table, quiet shuffling, and very deliberate dealing of cards... and then the "15-2; 15-4..." Two old guys enjoying each other's company, ribbing each other mercilessly as they go over the details of each other's Easter family gatherings "did she make you sit by her son-of-a-bitch brother-in-law like you thought she would?" Ha ha ha! "How about you - did your grandson pull out your tulips?" cackle cackle cackle... Life is good, isn't it?

I'll process the workshop later - this eavesdropping opportunity is too good to miss.

Each and every time.

2010-04-04T08:27:00.001-06:00

I ran into Jessie and her mom at the grocery store today. I was glad to see other people were in an Easter pickle due to late shopping. They were out of fresh strawberries! Who runs out of strawberries? It was fun talking with Jessie. She is such a bright, shiny person. What a treasure we have in her - since she decided to stay in town after college - so many bright, young people leave.

Jessie was on the team when I started coaching. I was pregnant with Jose at the time and those girls who were already there taught me everything I had to know about coaching - and more! We visited a little bit and she commented that she couldn't believe how old the girls were and then admitted she shouldn't be THAT surprised since her 10-year reunion is this summer!

Time flies. I know I have talked about this before...and before that...so why does it surprise me each and every time. It's like the coat rack in the office. Every time I come into the office in the dark, it startles me - as if someone is standing there. Each time. Every time. It's startled me somewhere in the neighborhood of FIFTY TIMES. That makes me think I'm a really slow learner... just like the passing of time... it's always fast, Susan... get over it.

Salt of the earth.

2010-04-02T23:54:00.013-06:00

Lil's funeral was as good as a funeral can get. It was a real celebration of her life. She really had three distinct families, and all were well represented. Her biological family, her church family, and her school family. I think each group was surprised at the size of the other groups! She was the salt of the earth - what you saw was most definitely what you got from her! That sentiment was expressed many times today.

Her sisters spoke at the funeral and one of them said, "My sister beat cancer on March 30. She is now cancer free and pain free - what a relief!!" What a great perspective, huh?

Did you hear that "whizzing" sound?

2010-04-01T09:14:00.000-06:00

...that was March screaming by in a blur. Unfortunately, I only posted sixteen times in March, so I pledge to be better in April! And now I'm blowing two posts in a day, but I just want to make a public statement that I WILL POST EVERY DAY IN APRIL! So now you've heard it...now hold me to it!

The first day of Spring...Break.

2010-04-01T08:56:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was the last day of school for the week - we are moving into Spring Break. I went out with a couple of friends who make me laugh and put my life in perspective (the kind who say, "get over yourself, things aren't THAT serious, are they?") One of them is Harry and the other is Donna. We all worked together at the middle school about 15 years ago, and have been great friends ever since. One is retired, the other is headed in that direction. Both of them are hilarious and neither take themselves too seriously. It's always such a welcome sight to see them sitting there, as I walk into the watering hole at the end of the week.

One thing I love about being with Harry and Donna is that we don't dwell on the negative stuff. No talk about depressing politics (though we all worry about things), no talk about aches and pains and illness (though we all have them!)...in all, it's always a glass-half-full gathering, and I love that! Don't get me wrong, we get serious sometimes... and they are so good at helping me process some of the issues with students I deal with. They are both veterans of working with kids in a school setting, and they have some of the best words of wisdom for me! We have had conversations about Donna's "wasband" and issues of divorce, and have had many conversations about Harry's wife and the stressful treatments she has undergone. We celebrate how great our kids are and how dang cute and perfect their grandkids are... it's always a satisfying time!

Donna works at the Alternative High School - a school which is a "last try" for many kids for whom the traditional high school setting simply doesn't work. There, she works with the kids who struggle most with learning (she always says that she IS special ed at the AHS). I refer to her room as "The Bad Boys Club" as she works with mostly boys (who make up, statistically speaking, a large percentage of special ed/resource students). Her boys love her and she really speaks to them. She pulls, pushes, and prods kids toward graduation, with her awesome sense of humor and her no-nonsense attitude.

Donna told us a funny story of the day she decided to tell her boys that this would be her last year - she would be retiring. She said one of them snapped his head up from what he was doing with a look of panic on his face and said, "Ms. T! You're retiring?! I'M FUCKED!" Donna calmly replied, "Seven years of high school is enough for you, let's just get you finished up." I about busted a gut. She is a hoot!

A couple of months ago, she told a story about conducting a meeting in her room which necessitated "closing" it to students. (At the AHS, students have the freedom to go to the teacher from whom they need help rather than following a rigid bell schedule.) Donna heard a knock at the door, so she got up and went to tell whomever was there that s/he would have to come back later. She greeted two boys at the door, and stepped out in to the hall to let them know when they could come back. She immediately smelled pot on the kids. She hissed at them, "You two smell like weed!" One of them immediately said to her, "Geez, thanks, Ms. T. - you got any cologne we can use?" Kids can be so dim (especially stoned ones evidently). Obviously her point was not to "help them hide it," but rather to call them on it and to tell them to get the heck out of the building if they were high.

There are a hundred stories like this from Donna. She will occasionally send an email with the subject line, "You know you work at the AHS when..." and I know it's going to be a good chuckle. One more and I'll be done... I got an email one day where Donna wrote, "It's Teacher Appreciation Day. I went to my mailbox and found a greeting card. I took it out of the envelope and read the front with its flowery sentiment about how important teachers are and how much she was appreciated. On the inside, scrawled in messy handwriting, it said, "Ms. T. - Thanks for putting up with my shit. -Jake." Doesn't get any more honest than that, now does it?

Good news! I spotted James at the restaurant/bar while I was there! He flashed me a big smile and said hello. It was so nice to see the sparkle of the "old James." Maybe he's really back! What a super kid!

Heavy hearts at school.

2010-03-30T22:25:00.002-06:00

Our attendance secretary, a fixture at school, lost her battle with cancer last night. As a school, we have rallied around Lil and her family, holding a benefit night in November, bringing in $35,000-which sounds great until a family is paying for a long battle with this insipid beast!

Lil has been SO POSITIVE throughout the year. She was told in September that the cancer she'd been treated for a few years ago was back. She stuck her chin out and said, "OK, I'll just take care of it!" She started treatments, which kicked her butt more than she anticipated...but when she was hurting, she would just enlist the help of someone at school. One teacher, who teaches yoga on the side, taught her some poses to help her relax. Another staff member who is in massage therapy school got busy helping her work out the pain in her back. She finally reached the end of her treatments and had a clean bill of health in January.

Near the end of February, she started having some labored breathing. She went back in and they told her it was back. This time, they said the tumor in one of her lungs had grown so big, there was nothing they could do, so they would stop chemo and just help her get comfortable... And so she would be at work with a portable oxygen tank to assist her breathing.

This amazing woman continued to talk about the future like it was a sure thing. She always told people not to worry because "she was a fighter!"

Lil died last night long before anyone was ready to accept. We were just shell-shocked today. I still haven't wrapped my mind around it.

Karma.

2010-03-26T05:11:00.004-06:00

Jesse wrote about Karma the other day and it got me thinking about my girls. On Christmas morning, they looked in their stockings and each found a necklace (identical to each other’s). The necklace was something Santa picked up at Target – it is a sliver, circular shape with the words: “what goes around comes around” swirling into the center. The card on which each was hung at the store had the word KARMA, artfully scripted across the top.

Immediately, Josey needed to know what the word meant. I examined the necklace (theatrically feigning ignorance of Santa’s identity) and read the back of it. Josey’s face lit up… “Ohhh… so like when McKenna’s mean to me, something bad will happen to her.” Ummm… something like that. McKenna rolled her eyes and said, “Josey, you’re stupid.” Then McKenna bit her lip while she was eating her breakfast casserole. Seriously. I was uncharacteristically silent to try not to tarnish my Mother of the Year trophy.

Not long after Christmas, I was in my office, putting up a few quotations I had collected (my office is covered in cartoons, quotations, and pictures of lots of different things…) I ran across one that says, “How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours” (attributed to Wayne Dyer). Isn’t that the hardest thing to get across to young people? Life isn’t fair and we don’t always get what we think we deserve, but certainly, if you put your best foot forward, and treat other people with dignity and respect, you will have a much better chance at life feeling fair.

I listened to a speaker today who talked about the teenage brain. She talked about how immature it is and the fact that the brain really develops from the back to the front…the back of the brain is what controls the reflex parts (breathing, etc.), and the front of the brain controls the reasoning and long-term decision-making ability. This is why Karma doesn’t make sense to teens. Understanding (or believing in) Karma requires the ability to see down the road. In order to see down the road, you need to be a teen with a VERY mature brain –OR- an adult.

It’s always interesting to me to meet and work with those rare, mature kids who don’t act like teens. It’s interesting because I “know” how kids will act, and then a few come in and surprise me. I suspect Josey would surprise me if I didn’t know her and she walked through my door today.

Teenage angst.

2010-03-25T01:20:00.001-06:00

I know I obsess about teenage angst, but I can't help it, it is, after all, my life. I really don't mean to dwell on students who are in such pain, but I think of them all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of them, hoping they are okay, looking forward to seeing their faces at school in the morning.

A student's mother, Stacy, rushed into my office this morning in tears. A different student, Erin, who is friend of Stacy's daughter, Amanda, was texting Stacy, telling her Amanda was talking about suicide and planning to take a lot of pills. Erin said she tried to get Amanda to come to lunch with her, but she wouldn't.

Stacy was hysterical because Amanda wouldn't respond to her text messages or her phone calls. I said I'd go check to make sure she was safe and sound and in class. I ran upstairs and motioned the teacher out to the hall and asked if Amanda was in there. He told me she was not. My dash down to the first floor was a fast one as all of these images of Amanda were flashing through my mind. All of a sudden, I wasn't thinking of Amanda, I was putting myself in Stacy's shoes and thinking of my own kids. She must be terrified. I was afraid to tell her Amanda wasn't there.

When I got to the office, I told her and she sucked in more air (I don't think she exhaled the whole time she was in my office.) She said she would go to the parking lot and see if Amanda's car was here. She called her husband and told him to go home (a ways out of town) and look for her. After Stacy left, Erin came to my office and said Amanda finally texted her back and said she was at a park, but wouldn't say which one. My stomach was sinking as I was thinking about Amanda hurting herself.

Amanda had cancer about four years ago which was treated and is watched carefully now... in addition, she has had some other health problems in the last year to year and a half. They have tested her for everything under the sun and haven't completely figured it out except that she is allergic to a handful of foods (although they know it's more than just that). They have been tinkering with meds because this mystery illness has caused insomnia, nausea, and a host of other problems that has created a sick and tired kid who has missed A LOT of school. ...and... Amanda is a popular, "normal" student from a well-adjusted, normal family who has been to residential treatment for a suicide attempt. Teen suicide attempts are happening with frightening regularity, and it has me on edge all the time. She has been back for a couple of months and they are trying to get medications right to balance her moods while at the same time continue to figure out how to get her healthy.

I called Stacy and told her what Erin had reported. Stacy was choking back tears and said she had Amanda on the phone and she was headed back to school. Stacy came inside and waited for Amanda and Amanda's dad, Chris. Amanda walked into my office, her eyes swollen and bloodshot from crying, and she went over to her mom and slumped into her lap, sobbing, and said, "Mom, I can't do it anymore. Being alive hurts." MY heart was breaking; I can't fathom what her parents were feeling. She talked about the most current medication for depression making killing herself more "tempting." She said she got on the highway this morning and all she could think about on the way in to town was how she could wreck her car right now and it could be over. She also said she was glad she didn't have any pills with her because she is afraid she would have taken them while she sat in her car at the park.

I remember a time when we were in college or right after college. We were all back home and eating at a restaurant. In mid-conversation, Katie lit up a cigarette. I remember looking at mom's face and seeing the tears come. I don't remember if mom said this right then or if she was talking about it after the fact, but she was talking about how you feel when this person whom you have nurtured and cared for from conception, is put in harm's way (self-inflicted or otherwise)... you can't bear it.

We sat in my office for almost an hour with Amanda just talking and talking and crying. Her parents, her counselor and I were listening and dispensing Kleenex (to her and to ourselves). We ended up making a safety plan for her and made her give some solemn promises about not driving off and being alone (I suggested she just not drive at all for a while), and about talking to people rather than keeping feelings inside. We also dropped one of her classes she was drowning in (when we talked about doing that, I could practically see weight lifting off her shoulders.) And we got her parents the name of a psychiatrist who could work in conjunction with her psychologist since the psychiatrist would have a better handle on what meds to try and how they may work best.

Amanda is so lucky to have the parents she does. They are so willing to do whatever it takes to get her healthy again. I was so glad to hear her dad say, "school is secondary - YOU are the first priority" (this coming from a dad who is generally very demanding of his kids academically!) Tomorrow I am listening to a presentation from a woman from the local suicide prevention group. The counselor says she is the authority here in town on teen suicide. Unfortunately, I need more training and more information about this phenomenon that isn't going away.

Update on James.

2010-03-24T16:20:00.000-06:00

Mom asked for a James update and I thought - "hmmm... how IS James?!" I haven't seen him in a while (which means he hasn't blown out of classes or hit anyone - that's always a good thing!) I emailed his dad and asked about him:

Hey Susan,

Thanks for touching base with me. That is truly appreciated.

He is doing well. He is still living with his mother. To make a long story short, I think part of him does not want to live with me, with my strict rules, etc. His mother and I have an agreement that should work out to his benefit.

His education is my #1 concern. He knows it, his mother knows it, that moron she is dating / living with / common-law married to knows it. I think James plays both sides, alot. I am onto his game though. :)

He is determined to do good in school. That I can be proud of. The treatment center thing I think worked out for the best. He is on medication that should help his impulsive overreaction to small things....I hope. Otherwise we need to find a different medication. The treatment center staff was great, supportive and saw huge potential. He ended up making friends with ALL the therapists & counselor's aides. Go figure. His "chatty kathy" string must have been pulled alot!

I have seen a huge behavior change with me, I just hope everyone else sees the same thing. His mother is in the midst of remodeling their WHOLE house, which is a BIG deal! That should help things as well.

I'll be in touch with anything that should arise. That is the gist of things now. He's a "kid," about to be 17 next Tuesday. It is probably the toughest time of my fatherhood to date. He is with his mother all week this week, as my wife just got out of surgery. Things are hectic here as well.

I hope you are doing well with all the lil' kidlets. You are a very supportive AP, and again, I cannot tell you how much your support has meant to James, as well as me.

Jeff

So there you have it... dad thinks it's going well and I think he has his finger on the pulse!

I'm meetinged out.

2010-03-23T17:52:00.003-06:00

In the last two weeks, I have been at my desk, actually accomplishing something for a grand total of about three hours. If I am called to another "important" meeting, I'm going to scream.

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

~Dave Barry, "Things That It Took Me 50 Years to Learn"

Running away.

2010-03-22T21:08:00.000-06:00

Tia is a bit of work. She consistently makes bad choices, but something about her makes me really like her.

One day last week, the librarian called to report Tia had short shorts on - way too short. I had her come and talk to me...she seemed genuinely incredulous. She is about 5'3" and weighs about 90 pounds. Somebody tell me where this girl is going to find shorts that AREN'T short! The dress code calls for a 3" inseam - where (outside of the plus-sized section at Montgomery Wards) can you find a 3" inseam anymore??

Tia got involved with another student who had been forwarded a naked picture of a male student (you've heard of sexting, right - well it's REAL) and proceeded to print 300 or so copies of it and scatter it around school. Seriously, Tia - how did that seem like a good idea?

She is friends with students who help her make stupid decisions and her parents, generally good people, are highly unimpressed. Recently, teachers have been calling home letting her parents know she has been tardy, talking out in class, and being a classroom distraction. Her mom, who has two little kids at home, has been very annoyed by her behavior and they have been at odds - a lot.

This morning, she came into my office, slumped in the chair, and started crying. She went from zero to can-hardly-breathe in about 3.2 seconds. When she calmed down, she spilled it: she hadn't been home since Friday. I asked if her parents had been trying to call her cell phone. She reminded me they had taken that away a long time ago. She said when she got to school this morning and her friends said her parents had been to their houses as late as one in the morning on Saturday morning. I asked who she had been staying with and she said no one - she had been sleeping outside. I told her we naturally need to call her parents. She said she knew.

She told me her mom was yelling at her last week, saying she was a huge problem and that she wished she wasn't around. I assured her that parents may say hurtful things in frustration, but I cannot imagine what her parents must have been going through in the last few days, not knowing where she was or whether she was safe.

I placed the phone call and her mom picked up before it rang a full ring. I let her mom know she was in my office and she said, "Oh, thank God. We will be right there." When we hung up, Tia started crying again and telling me she just wanted to be at school. I told her she looked absolutely exhausted and she needed to go home and go to bed!

They arrived at school in a seeming impossibly short time, since they live clear on the other side of town. Her mom was in tears, her dad looked exhausted. They fell into a group hug that choked me up!

Everyone has a story about threatening to or "actually" running away as a kid. Our family folklore has one of us running away, but coming back a short time later since we weren't allowed to cross the street. Unfortunately, Tia's parents have a running away nightmare to remember, rather than having a cute story to tell around the dinner table for years to come.

Is ANYONE really prepared for this parenting gig?

Bold as brass.

2010-03-18T19:54:00.001-06:00

Some people are bold as brass…stupidly…

Peyton came in to my office to report that his brand new, dark green, neoprene, Carhart jacket was missing and he has seen another student, Richard, wearing it today. He said he remembers taking it off at the construction site last Wednesday and he must have left it there then, but he had to be out of school Thursday and Friday. He said he looked for it Monday and Tuesday, but didn't see it and then saw another student, Richard, wearing it today.

Peyton admitted that it could be a different jacket, but he knows he left it at the school’s construction job site and he has that class 3rd and 4th periods while Richard has the advanced construction class 2nd and 3rd periods. He said he confronted Richard this morning and said he thought Richard was wearing his jacket. Richard adamantly denied it and told him his girlfriend gave it to him as a gift. Peyton said there is certainly a chance the girlfriend gave it to him, but it was a very expensive jacket, and it seems like a pretty extravagant gift! He told me his mom has a receipt for the jacket, but because it is so new, there are no distinguishing marks such as a stain or tear, etc…

My counterpart, Jenn, went to Richard’s classroom to bring him down to the office. He was wearing the jacket. He was immediately red in the face as he sat in Jenns’s office with Jenn and me. Jenn questioned him as to where he got the jacket. He recounted the situation a few days ago when Peyton confronted him about it, and said Peyton was accusing him of taking his jacket and how Payton was really insistant this was his jacket, but that was not true. He said his ex-girlfriend came over to his house on Tuesday, March 16 and stayed for about an hour. As she was leaving, she gave him the jacket as a gift. When asked why, Richard said it was because he had been mad at her and she was trying to get back on his good side. He reported that she often gives gifts. When asked who the ex-girlfriend was, he said she goes to a rural high school in a surrounding small town and her name was Ann Liston.

While Jenn kept Richard in her office, I went to my office and called Ann’s school to talk to her principal. The principal was out so I left a message for a counselor to call us back. While Jenn had Richard in her office, she asked him several times in different ways how he got the jacket... she implored him to tell the truth... she asked again how he got it... it was always the same story. She then told him we would need to keep the jacket until we had completed our investigation. He complied. She asked if we could hold his cell phone until we completed the investigation (so he couldn’t contact Ann and get her up to speed on his story). He informed us his cell phone had been taken away by his mom, so he didn’t have one. We asked Richard if he could stick around while we completed the investigation and he said, “sure – I just want to get to the bottom of this – this is crazy that Peyton thinks this is his jacket!” I took Richard to a seat down the hall, out of earshot of Jenn’s office so we could use the speakerphone.

Mrs. Smith, the counselor at Ann’s school called back and placed us on hold while she got Ann out of class. We put Ann on speakerphone and interviewed her. We asked if she has purchased a dark green, neoprene, Carhart jacket recently. She said no. We asked if she has been aware of anyone she knows wearing one. She said no. We asked if she knew Richard. She said yes. We asked when the last time she had seen him was and she said three weeks ago or so. We asked her to verify that she did not go to his house on Tuesday, March 16 and she verified that she had not.

We dismissed Ann and spoke with Mrs. Smith. We asked if Ann is a credible person. She assured us she was and said Ann was at softball practice on Tuesday evening. She said she has never had any reason to doubt Ann’s honesty.

We brought Richard back in and informed him that we spoke with Ann. Before we could say anything else, he immediately stated that he didn’t “get” the jacket, he “found” the jacket in the construction site’s shop. He said it didn’t belong to him. We let him know that the school police officer was out of the building, but we will be turning this matter over to him. He hung his head and acted like we were unreasonably targeting him.

Bold as brass.

Cocky.

2010-03-17T20:34:00.002-06:00

I got an email from a teacher today about James. She said she was hoping he would be “less cocky” when he got back. I was stunned. It’s unbelievable to me that there are people who choose to work with young people for their entire career and yet seem to be completely oblivious to their needs.

I’m not proud of the email I sent back; it was sent in anger.

Janice,

I suspect they spent more time working on coping skills so he wouldn’t try to kill himself again rather than an overall personality change.

~Susan

Good news!

2010-03-16T18:24:00.001-06:00

Good news! James is coming back tomorrow! I'm so glad his placement wasn't long term as many recently have been. I got an email from his dad today:

Susan,
Hello again. After one of the most trying weeks in recent memory, I can say James is now back at home after a week stay in treatment. He will be returning to school tomorrow, and he will have unlimited quiet time after school to get caught up on any make up work.

The week has proven successful. I really think we have gained some ground on James, and we have climbed mountains getting him back on the right track. The treatment facility has been outstanding in helping him through what should prove to be the most difficult week of his life. This ordeal was not easy on anyone.

I picked him up yesterday, and saw what I think was my child of “old”. He lit up like a Christmas tree, was respectful, courteous, and seemed to have learned many things.

We also have a prescription that should help level him out as well.

I think we are back on track. We had to tie up some loose ends today, and if it is ok with you, he will be back to school first thing tomorrow.

Thank you so much for your support through this very difficult time. You, and your staff should be commended for the dedication you give to your students. It is noticed, and it is appreciated!

Sincerely,

Jeff

What a relief - I can only imagine what a parent would go through. I was working with a mom just yesterday who was in tears in my office because her daughter was so depressed and so full of anxiety, she told her parents she would rather die. I get choked up even thinking about what these parents must be going through... Like Jeff said "one of the most trying weeks in recent memory." This has got to take years off a parent's life! If nothing else, it would most certainly cause a lot of gray hair!

I'm so fond of James and I hope he can blend back in and feel healthy. He's a really smart kid and so likeable! I'm looking forward to seeing him!

James, continued.

2010-03-15T05:43:00.004-06:00

This year has been remarkably better than last year with James. He can still be an ass to teachers, but overall, those situations are much fewer and farther between. Last week, one of our counselors came in and said she heard a rumor that James tried to commit suicide the previous weekend. I was very concerned and emailed his dad:

Jeff,

I heard through the grapevine that James tried to commit suicide this weekend. I pray that isn’t true, but wanted to check to see what, if anything, we can be doing here to support him.

Please let me know.

~Susan

He responded right away with:

Susan,

Thanks for your concern. The grapevine was not all accurate. He did, while out with friends, take about 4-6 anti-anxiety pills, to what he says try and calm him down. He has the inner frustration he is trying to get a grip on and his friends said, “Hey take these it will work.”

To make a long story short, his mother ended up taking him to the hospital where they made him swallow charcoal. He spent the night there, and now he is doing fine. It all boils down to very bad decisions with a very bad group of kids. We can say it, as parents, to not hang out with him or her, but in the end they will do what they want.

He did not try to commit suicide, though the hospital must treat it that way. He merely made a very bad decision, that seem to be getting more and more as of late. I appreciate all that you and your staff can do. He is trying, but has a crappy group of friends, with a crappy bad attitude.

Thanks,

Jeff

I was very relieved that the rumor was incorrect, but I still had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Parents (thankfully) want to think the best of their kids… but most of the time when we get information through the rumor mill, it’s pretty accurate…

Three days after our email exchange, I got a call from his dad letting me know James has been taken to a residential psychiatric treatment facility. He doesn’t know how long he will be there, but he’s hoping it will be for a short time. I'm hoping they can help him find a way to cope AND I am hoping dad can use these incidences to get James permanently removed from his mom's residence.

My heart breaks for kids today. There are so many pressures on them, it shouldn’t surprise any of us that the suicide rate for this age group is soaring, and drug and alcohol problems are getting worse and worse. Kids this age spend so much of their time self-medicating that they never get a chance to develop the coping skills needed to survive the hard stuff.

James and the giant... story.

2010-03-09T21:23:00.004-07:00

Good grief... it's been a long time it seems...

I have been thinking about a student at school who I have worked with a lot. Last year James had a conflict with a teacher (who I think fanned the flames rather than tried to deescalate the situation). His dad came in and talked with me... dad didn't defend his actions, but was definitely there to support his son (as any good parent would do). Dad filled me in on the family situation.

James' mom and dad were not married. He has his mother's last name, but bio dad has been involved from the get-go. They have joint custody. James stays with bio dad and his wife (who both have normal jobs and who have no kids together - I don't think) Wednesday through Saturday. James stays with mom and her boyfriend the rest of the week. Mom has multiple jobs to support the slug she lives with. He comes and goes depending on the direction of the wind. I took that report with a grain of salt - it DID come from the other man...

As I worked with James more, I saw that he easily could get worked up in anger to the point of tears. He is a kid with a very athletic body and participates in "MMA" or mixed martial arts. Note: MMA and a short fuse is not a great combination. He has always been okay with me in my office, but I know he can blow. I had him in my office once after a teacher backed him into a corner. He was so pissed off, he could hardly speak. He ended up so mad in my office, he was in tears. The next 90 minutes in my office was a WAVE of information about his life...

His mom's boyfriend is so violent that there isn't a window in the house that hasn't been broken. Doors have been kicked in, mom and other siblings have been hit. James told me the boyfriend has tried to hit him too, but stopped when he fought back.

I asked him why he wouldn't just move out and live with his dad where things are balanced and calm. He said he wouldn't move out because his mom and his younger siblings need him to protect them.

I can't imagine what he goes home to...

More tomorrow...

Inglorious Oscars.

2010-03-07T20:29:00.002-07:00

I'm watching the Oscars with the girls tonight. Nothing to say.

Academic triage.

2010-03-04T19:16:00.002-07:00

I am annoyed by people who become so fixated on something, they cannot think of anything else. Single-mindedness that prevents any sort of divided attention... I don't get it.

Maybe it's because I live in a state of continuous divided attention. I must say, I spend so much time in Quadrant I, I'm embarrassed to admit it. I know I need to be striving for Quadrant II, but when I have uninterrupted time, I'm so exhausted, I slip right into braindead, wasteful Quadrant IV. Before I become fixated on Covey's time management four-quadrant model... what I really wanted to talk about was what I spend my day obsessing about.

High school used to be viewed as a sorting mechanism (it still is to many of the old guard - which, of course, has nothing to do with age.) The old guard want us (APs) to sit at our desks and decide who is worth keeping and who needs to go. If a student is floundering, many of the old guard dig in their heels and refuse to find ways to help the student find success. I often see "profiling" in these God-like decisions... the tan-skinned, straight-haired kids get the most brutal treatment, followed by the kids with dirty clothes and greasy hair.

Although many teachers will not exert any effort in finding ways to make school work for the "unworthy," it's what I spend my day obsessing about. Sometimes when I have a student in my office, my mind is on another kid and how on earth we are going to make things work for him or her. I have to snap out of that and live in the moment, giving the student in front of me my undivided attention, but academic triage is what I obsess about.

I think I spent an entire hour thinking about one kid. Tony is a smart enough kid, but he will explode from time to time. He has always been respectful toward me, but he has lashed out at other staff members and I will not tolerate that from him. He went "hands on" with a male teacher who asked him to stay behind so he could talk to him about using foul language in class - a teacher who doesn't "ride kids hard," so I don't suspect he was too hard on the kid. Tony got mad that the teacher would stop to correct his behavior, so he pushed the teacher out of the way, yelled a few expletives, and left.

Tony and I have an understanding. Disrespecting teachers equals out of school suspension. I texted Tony, telling him to come to my office. He complied. He owned his behavior, and he headed home.

So where does academic triage come in? I spent the hour thinking about what I will do with this kid when he comes back to school on Monday. He has missed so much school between his numerous stints of OSS and his regular truancy. One thing I know for sure: TRADITIONAL HIGH SCHOOL DOES NOT WORK FOR THIS KID. So... now what? Hence the hour. I don't know what to do. I think it will take a few more hours (at least) to think of a plan, but one thing is for sure, I'm not going to set him up for failure by sending him right back to doing what he was doing before... stay tuned...

Bad dog.

2010-03-03T18:49:00.003-07:00

Gunnar smiles. Not just with his cute face, but with the full body wag. He not only smiles, but he talks to you when you talk to him. If you look at him and talk - about anything... the Olympics, current tax law, Josey's flute lesson... anything at all... he vocalizes back... it's very entertaining.

A while ago, we looked down at one of our kitchen chairs and saw that the wood had been damaged. I noticed there was a basketball under the chair (trapped in the square made by the cross bars) and I guessed that the curious pup was scratching at the bars to try to get at the ball. We removed the ball (it came to live there in the first place so it was immediately accessible for impromptu games of horse in the driveway - it's rough to have to go clear downstairs for it.) It seemed to work as there was no more damage done after that.

Today, I got home from work after a particularly long day (drug dogs hitting on cars, jilted cheerleaders pissed off at coaches, girl being sexually harassed, items thrown out a window at a delivery guy... good God). John and the girls were gone and Gunnar was alone in the kitchen. After a genuine smile and a little conversation, I put some food in his bowl and put him outside to eat. I puttered around the kitchen and looked down to see ANOTHER chair that had been damaged! This time there was no "trying to get the ball" excuse, it's just plain chewing!

Fortunately, I used up all of my crabby at school today, so there is none left for Gunnar. Trying days are good for something, then, right?

And the clothes just keep getting smaller.

2010-03-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

As the mercury rises, the modesty falls. I talked with seven different girls today who were wearing SUCH short shorts that they caused several traffic jams in the commons and caused a couple of male teachers to go home “sick.”

I saw the first girl before school, she was actually wearing a very short skirt – so short I was embarrassed looking at her (I can only imagine what was going through the boys’ minds!) She completed the ensemble with a pair of high-heeled boots that would be the envy of any woman of the night. I stopped her and said, “That skirt is painfully short. Do you have something else to change into?” She looked at me like I was nuts. She said, “I’m not staying at school today anyway.” I watched her walk out of the building… I was curious about where she was going, so I looked her up. Oh good, I thought… she is in band so she is spending the day at the other high school… playing the saxophone (picture the posture…scary, huh?)

Teachers who called my office brought the next four girls to my attention. I called each one in and explained that her shorts were simply too short to wear at school. Each girl agreed to change – one had to run to her house nearby and the others put on gym shorts. All four seemed totally confused about why their clothing wasn’t appropriate. I don't get the judgment (or lack thereof).

The next girl came in to my office on her own. She said she was sent down by a teacher to check with me about whether her shorts were too short. I asked her what she thought. She said she didn’t think they were too short. I explained that the standard is a three inch inseam… the girl said, “uh oh… I’ll go change.” In her defense, the girl had a very immature body – very skinny legs – she didn’t look terrible in the shorts… and frankly, it’s dang hard to find shorts with a three inch inseam (unless you shop in the grandma section at Sears!)

I saw the final girl in the hall. She looked like she was the latest entry in the shortest shorts contest. I told her they were too short and she needed to go change. She pleaded with me not to make her miss her next class because she had a project she had to finish. The girl misses a lot of school due to health problems, so I agreed and told her she needed to go home to change after the next class. A couple of hours later, I thought about her again and wanted to see if she complied with my request. I walked over to the field house to take a peek into her health classroom.

I was glad to see she withdrew her entry.

If only school were over when the seniors quit.

2010-03-01T18:42:00.001-07:00

It always starts right around this time – sometimes a bit earlier depending on the weather. The minute we have a few warmish days, it strikes…and spreads like wildfire. Senioritis. I heard from a mother today who is disgusted with her son because he started the year with a 4.0 and now has a 23% in math! I talked to a mom last week whose daughter told her “when I turn 18 on Sunday, I’m moving out and quitting school.” I haven’t seen her this week.

There are some “defining moments” in our lives, some positive, others negative. I fear for kids who have one of those negative moments this young. It’s so hard to tell a teenager that once they head down that path, they soon reach a point of no return. Spring brings to some seniors the realization that their choices will prevent them from graduating. Like the Mr. K says to seniors each spring, “Don’t snatch defeat from the jaws of victory! Stay with it until the bitter end!” The young man who is failing math is doing just that… the young woman who thinks she will be better off on her own is doing just that… each of these kids are a hairs breadth from graduating…or not.

Negativity follow-up.

2010-02-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

As I re-read the post about the Honor Roll Assembly, I thought about what Kelly says when someone is being unbearably negative: If you gave that guy a check for a thousand dollars, he'd bitch that he had to make a trip to the bank to cash it. Yep, I'm pretty sure that mother would complain all the way to the bank...

Some people make it too easy.

2010-02-25T18:48:00.002-07:00

(click to enlarge)

Negativity is like a cancer.

2010-02-25T18:18:00.002-07:00

The Honor Roll Assembly was this morning at 8:00. It's one of the events I coordinate each year - with a lot of help from the office staff. This year, the formula for sorting out the students with a 3.2 GPA or better was acting up and the secretary kept finding mistakes in it. She was on the phone to the data center trying to get to the bottom of it, and in the end, the invitations simply went out much later than they should have. So late, that parents GOT them in the mail yesterday. It was certainly far less than ideal, and I was embarrassed that my name was on the letter!

I was rushing around, trying to tie up a few loose ends this morning, before heading to the assembly, when a woman walked in. I know this woman. I had many a meeting with her last year because she was angry at a teacher and wanted an audience to vent her frustrations. She is one of those parents who constantly needs special accommodations for her child because he is THAT SPECIAL (can you hear my eyes rolling?)

She stepped through my door and said, "I need to lodge a complaint! I received this invitation YESTERDAY! How is a parent supposed to get to an event without any advance notice?!?" I explained to her that they left the building in a timely fashion, but for whatever reason, there was a hold up and that I was very sorry for that. She went on to say, "I was able to get the time off, but what about all of the parents who can't? I can imagine there won't be many people here for it!" I again apologized. "Well, I just needed to complain." Thought bubble: "yep, you always do..."

During the assembly, we talk about how proud we are of the students' commitment to education, we have a speaker who speaks for a very short time (5-10 minutes), we ask the students who are getting an honor roll pin for the first time to stand and be recognized (applause); the students who are receiving their second pin to stand and be recognized... etc. you get the idea. Finally, we call the names of students who are on the Honor Roll for the fourth year. Each of those students walks across the stage and gets his or her pin and certificate. And then the very brief assembly is over.

After the assembly, Ms. Caustic corners my colleague to complain again. "This assembly was a joke and a waste of time! I scrambled to try to get time off of work to be here so - what - so I can watch my daughter sit in her chair and then stand up once? I can't believe anyone would bother with this!" My colleague said he was sorry she felt that way. She finished by saying, "I just needed to complain." and walked away, shaking her head.

Aren't you glad you don't live inside THAT woman's head? What a miserable place that must be. I can just about visualize the negativity eating away her insides like a cancer. I feel sorry for her. In my world of 90-10...here's a definite 10.

You just never know.

2010-02-24T14:58:00.003-07:00

I’ve talked about Nick before. He’s the kid at school who is always “do-in good!”

Students in Nick’s class work on vocational skills, so Nick has a job he completes every morning. He puts two bundles of newspapers on a cart, and cuts the strap that binds them (he will mutter “ha HA! I’ve got you just where I want you now!” as he cuts the strap with scissors.) He then goes into the mailroom and puts one in the box of each teacher who subscribes to the paper.

Today, I was on the “receiving” side of the mailboxes while he and his teacher were on the “sending” side. His teacher was watching him, making sure he was doing a good job. He said to her, “This is my favorite day of the week!” She asked him, “Nick, why do you like Wednesdays so much?” He replied, “You just never know what will happen on a Wednesday.”

We need more Nicks. He’s a 90.

Bullies wanted.

2010-02-23T15:23:00.001-07:00

I was bullied this week. I went to EMS to watch McKenna play volleyball, and I saw Harry (here’s a public Happy Birthday to Harry!) Harry razzed me about not writing in my blog recently! (Of all the nerve! Does he have any idea how hard it is to find something even mildly interesting or marginally relevant [bear with me, I'm being generous] every day?) He first harassed me via text that morning “I cant read your blog if you dont write anything” and then later in the day, he zinged me again – in person! It was a figurative noogie, nothing less!

When I was a fairly new teacher, Harry and I both worked at EMS. He bullied me into starting my masters back then. “You’ll never get paid what you’re worth, kid, but every raise is a percentage of what you’re making now, so you better get on the stick so you can get paid a little closer to what you’re worth! Don’t piss away your career like Gonser!”

Sometime after McKenna was born, my dad bullied John and me. He harped on us about pouring money down the drain on rent and how we should look for a house.

In the end, I snapped out of my pity party on Blighter’s Rock, I got my masters, and we bought a house. There are times when nagging, badgering, pestering and otherwise bullying someone is the only kind thing to do...or at least I’m going with that when I next irritate John about the basement…

The Dog in the Hat.

2010-02-21T20:48:00.006-07:00

These are two videos McKenna and Josey made one day last summer... I love watching them... It makes me glad I have such smart, funny kids... and it sure makes me miss summer! (Raise your hand if you are sick of this weather!)

Way to go, HSCS!

2010-02-20T20:28:00.030-07:00

McKenna's team really struggled today. We started the season so strong, but I think the two weeks of practice Gebo had the girls doing before the public schools started really paid off! There were a handful of girls in the public schools who didn't play volleyball last year, but decided to play this year. These girls are very athletic kids, but didn't have volleyball "down" yet.

The first game we played was against OLL, which we expected to win - and did. I walked away from that game thinking - maybe this season won't be so painful... and LONG! The second game, however, was...rough. It was against the team that ended up being the 1st seed... three of our girls were gone and we got SPANKED! I went back to thinking... oh, no... maybe this season won't be better after all!

After that, we went on to win every game until one of the last games of the season when we lost again... we went into the tournament as the 2nd seed with a bye... AND ENDED UP WINNING! The first championship volleyball team to come out of Holy Spirit! YAY!

The kids at Holy Spirit often discount themselves because we scrape together a team (five 8th graders and three 7th graders) and then play the public schools who get to choose two A teams out of lots of kids. We often walk in thinking we won't "play" with these kids, but... NOT TRUE!

McKenna's class has consistently fielded GOOD teams, and have grown so much as athletes! What a fun group of girls to watch!

Genius.

2010-02-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

A conversation with Donna reminded me of this quotation - I think our conversation ended with "Amen, Sister!"

"People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world," ~Calvin

Spin. It's a beautiful thing...

2010-02-18T20:57:00.001-07:00

Should I be proud of the fact that I am learning to spin information I deliver to students and parents in such a way that I'm being thanked for a few days in ISS? I work with an 18 year old student whose mother is legendary for bailing him out for every indiscretion. She will scream and yell every time he gets in trouble and insist he didn't do whatever it was he was accused of doing. The funny thing is that this kid will be joining the military! I'm guessing mommy won't be much help at Basic. I would do anything to be a mouse in the corner...

The other day, this kid was off campus with a group of people and got pissed off at a teacher. He ended up giving this teacher a piece of his mind (I hope it wasn't a big one), used many expletives, gestured to the teacher in an.... unfriendly way, and peeled away from the group in his truck, spitting rocks as he left.

I called him in and talked to him about what happened... I let him know "they" (you know, the "they" people?) are talking about pressing charges of disorderly conduct because of his actions (in reality, no one mentioned this). I alluded to the fact that he would naturally enter the adult court system since he is 18... I let him know I really advocated for him and told "them" we could really hammer him with school consequences and give him a chance to clean up his act. He totally agreed with the consequence and thanked me profusely (then I got cocky...) ...AND with a few days in ISS AND a written apology to the teacher involved, we could probably avoid legal action. He left, hat in hand, ready to write the letter and ready to report to ISS the next day.

Now to call his mother... I cracked open a Diet Pepsi and braced myself for the screaming. Naturally, he had called or texted her already. She was singing my praises and thanking me before I could start talking! I was thinking, "what the...?" She was so appreciative that I kept him out of jail and that I called off the dogs before he was hauled away to the big house!

Spin (or is it selective dishonesty... or benevolent dictatorship?) It's a beautiful thing...

Am I asking the impossible?

2010-02-16T20:11:00.000-07:00

I forgot to update you on the meeting... it actually went okay. I kind of set it up so there wasn't room for parent input since I didn't want any - and I thought it would be counter-productive. I spoke, the coach spoke, and the principal spoke and it was over... Now if only I can figure out a way to create a more "stable" cheer squad. There is so much coaching turnover (I wonder why?) I think if we could get some consistency with coaching, some of the "issues" might go away... Am I asking the impossible? Um... YES.

I am in hell.

2010-02-15T19:37:00.002-07:00

Our cheerleadering coach quit on Saturday. Why do I care? Because, amusingly enough, I am "in charge of" cheerleaders at school (when I was told that when I was hired, my response was, "fold it.") We have two coaches, but one is out on maternity leave... I won't go into the gory details of how today went, meeting with cheer mothers (notice I didn't say cheer parents or cheer fathers...)

For the sake of amusement in the blogosphere, I will give you a quotation - something that came directly out of a cheer mother's mouth in my office this morning: "I am very upset! I have worked very hard on cheerleading for the past three and a half years."

Things can't really get better from here, can they?

Life is like basketball.

2010-02-14T10:59:00.005-07:00

I've been consumed by basketball lately. While I love watching basketball (how could you NOT love this team?), the season goes on and on... with LOTS of games... Even with all of the games and all the time away from home, I would take in a hundred basketball games before ONE football game. I have to sit - make that STAND - through a LOT of football games too... I refer to each as "three hours of my life I can't get back."

Anywho... I digress...I started thinking about how life is like basketball. There are lots of parts of it you can do alone, but ultimately, success depends on the strength of the team.

I watch referees call a foul at one end of the court and not call the same thing at the other end. Similarly, "calls" in life seem to end up lop-sided many times. Life and refereeing are about perspective... not only visual perspective, but emotional perspective. A referee has got to make some calls simply because of the pressure put on by coaches, players, and spectators chipping away at him or her... you can see this in what seems like "make up" calls coming after a particularly contested decision. In life, we need to make split second decisions all the time, some of them are good, others are not good. Some of those decisions are visual, others are based on gut feeling that cannot be explained. Perhaps the benefit we have in life is that we can train ourselves to slow down and think things through before deciding what to do... Referees don't always have that luxury.

I watch players avoid dishing to a teammate they (must) view as weaker - we all do this in life. I will always go to the people at work who I know will do a good job. I don't want to have to do something over, so I always go to the same people. Unfortunately, some people I don't go to haven't completely screwed up in the past, it's just a few mistakes that color what I think about their competence. Not really fair, is it? Getting benched for a few errors? Getting benched can be a psychological hurdle! The player - or the person - starts to doubt himself and feel like he's no longer a valuable part of the team. The person/player can start to get inside his own head about the issue and end up making things worse than they really are.

The point is that in life and basketball, effective communication is key. Coaches (in life and in basketball) need to communicate with players to let them know what they need from them. If a player isn't performing, a coach should be communicating what needs to be done better. If a player isn't performing, the player needs to be working harder than ever to fix whatever isn't working. Communicating what needs to be done rather than leaving a person hanging honors the work that person has put in already and gives him a chance to improve.

I'm confused.

2010-02-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

I am starting a huge undertaking. I'm helping our media specialist (FKA: librarian) redesign our school website. Let me tell you, I haven't done that from scratch in a long time. It's rather confusing and completely overwhelming. Both of us are adament that it be DONE before it's "unveiled" so we don't have a bunch of "under construction" links. I will update you as it happens...

Don't leave any of yourself safely on shore.

2010-02-12T21:24:00.000-07:00

Laugh at yourself, but don't ever aim your doubt at yourself. Be bold. When you embark for strange places, don't leave any of yourself safely on shore. Have the nerve to go into unexplored territory. ~Alan Alda

Chicken salad and silk purses.

2010-02-11T21:32:00.002-07:00

He called me a "shit magnet." A guy I worked with at GFH called me a "shit magnet" because of the types of kids who would find their way to my classroom after school. I was offended at first, but after I thought about it (and considering the source) I didn't mind! It's kind of like what Dick Kuntz used to say he did for a living: He said his job was to make chicken salad out of chicken shit and silk purses out of sows' ears... making chicken salad and silk purses, huh? I can live with that!

Barrett was a sow's ear who was with me a LOT... and based on where he came from, he had no business graduating from high school. His dad died in a car wreck when he was little (a car wreck that stemmed from drug use). His older brother beat and nearly killed someone as a teenager and ended up in Pine Hills and eventually, prison. His younger brother was a "troubled youth" at best, and spent plenty of time in JDC. By the time he got to high school, it was unbelieveable that Barrett didn't walk right down that same path. He graduated in four years (actually three and a half); he took a semester off after getting in a fight at a house party which landed him in the hospital... 40 staples in his scalp and two months of rest later, he came back to school. I remember the day he graduated... he amazed me. I wish I could say that I made that silk purse, but that was all HIS doing!

He always talked about wanting to go to culinary school. I wanted to believe he could do anything he set his mind to (he is certainly smart enough), but I also saw that all of the cards were stacked against him.

Recently, I found him on Facebook and shot him a message, asking him how things were going. The following is what he wrote back... one or two of these in my career is all I'll need - I'll eventually retire a satisfied teacher.

I am doing well! Not yet living the dream, but I'm on my way. I'm still living in Great Falls, still with my mother in fact. She is still recovering from her back surgery, but her back gets stronger every day. She'll be back on her feet soon enough (figuratively speaking, of course, she can walk!).

I just graduated from the COT. I got two associate's degrees; one in business and one in accounting. I am now enrolled at MSU-Billings through their online program to earn my bachelor's degree in business administration and debating whether to continue towards my MBA or head off to culinary school first! I am taking 16 credits and working full-time at NEW downtown so that keeps me pretty busy (hence the off timing on the reply). I've got to keep my grades up so I can try to get some scholarships for culinary school, because it's so dang expensive!

My little brother just had a baby last year. Her name is Gabby, and she is the cutest baby. I never thought I'd like babies so much, but I just love her to death. Bryan is in Virginia, right now, in training for the military. He is doing really well and seems to have found a place he can really shine, which makes me proud. And Brandon, well, he's still doing the prison thing, but he's not complaining.

I cannot believe you are at CMR now, Traitor! With you there, the school cannot be all bad, so consider yourself forgiven! Hope to hear from you soon!

Barrett

A good ol' fashioned public stoning.

2010-02-10T21:32:00.002-07:00

I had Justin in my office because a teacher reported to me that he had been screwing around in the locker room, snapping towels at kids (one in particular), messing around to the point that he broke the other kid's glasses. Essentially, he was acting like a fourteen year old boy. The other kid is definitely an easy target - which certainly doesn't mean he deserves what he was getting... The thing is, I had never met this kid before, so that means he flew under the radar for an entire semester!

I always look at a kid's discipline record before I talk to him or her to try to gauge "character." It's not that a kid can't change, but change is somewhat rare. I turned my monitor toward Justin and asked him what was going on in middle school that would create 60 (that's SIX-ZERO) discipline entries in two years of middle school. To put it in perspective, a "troubled" kid might have 15 a year... but 30?? And now a whole semester of nothing?? Maybe change CAN happen!

He kind of slumped down and said, "I was really a screw up. I just did dumb shit all the time. At the end of 8th grade, I got in big trouble and they told me to go home and not come back for the last day. I missed the last day of middle school. That really hurt. I told myself right then, that I was going to walk in to high school and put all that behind me." My question for him, then, was - "So why now? Why are you bugging this kid?" He didn't have a good answer, but my message to him was - "You need to figure it out. You have to turn it around, you have put those behaviors behind you or you are going to be in the same awful place you were the last day of 8th grade"

I think the conversation went well and I hope he follows through on his agreement to stay away from the other kid. I always want to give a student the chance to turn things around. Many times I get burned and it happens again... I want to believe Justin will get back on track.

The teacher was ticked that I didn't crucify him. I think she probably wanted a public stoning or something... For now we will do it my way. If he doesn't hold up his end of the deal, I'll pass out some rocks.

Breakfast downer.

2010-02-09T22:16:00.002-07:00

Is this like reading tea leaves? hmmm... I wonder how the rest of the day will go?

The mind does the seeing.

2010-02-08T17:03:00.004-07:00

We often talk about listening versus hearing. You can talk all you want and I can look at you blankly and listen to your words, but I need to really concentrate to hear you, to understand how your words and your tone are sending me a message. Listening intently and really hearing someone is a precious gift, as Mel says.

I often have a student in my office and I am, of course, looking at him or her... shaggy hair, lip ring, tattoo, no shortage of black eyeliner or Carhart jacket, grease under the fingernails, and teeth that look like they've seen Copenhagen recently... but depending on what the conversation is about, I start to really see the person.

There are times when looking and seeing go back and forth like opening and closing each eye in sequence and watching whatever is ahead jumping from side to side. Looking at someone is cursory, but really seeing him or her brings the person into the right focus...people don't always come into focus quickly, but instead dart around until they are there.... I can see the beautiful young woman who is trying out different costumes until she finally feels right in her own skin. I can see the young man who has a little mist in his eyes when he tells me he's so frustrated with school he sometimes wants to quit.

When I have a student in my office, sometimes I think of the articles I have read about the amount of face time patients get with doctors. As a classroom teacher, I had a hard time remembering to give students enough "wait time" as my mind is always moving forward to what is next. I need to remember to slow down and listen... and really SEE who is in front of me.

The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing. ~Publilius Syrus (circa 100 BC)

Don't touch ANYTHING.

2010-02-07T07:42:00.000-07:00

I just found this picture on the Internet and it made me giggle. Nothing more.

Reflexive opposition.

2010-02-06T13:22:00.001-07:00

I was at a meeting the other day when someone was explaining his ideas about a paradigm shift in secondary education. The idea would take the way we do business in a different direction, with the hope of infusing more relevance into instruction, thereby reducing the drop out rate. Watching the body language around the table was telling. It's interesting to me to see the reflexive opposition some people have to other people; opposing something based on its source rather than on its merit is assinine, but happens all the time. It's a very "pre-teen" behavior (adults are always wrong - right?), but it is exhibited by many, many adults - even those we give responsibility to rationally think through issues (just watch C-SPAN!)

Civility.

2010-02-05T04:04:00.000-07:00

So many people are frustrated or disappointed with young people today because they dress in poor taste, use offensive language and talk in code, dance suggestively and listen to terrible music. Let's face it though; every generation criticizes the generations that come after. I can live with bad music, underwear showing, and embarrassing dancing. I can even live with coarse language - heck, anyone who knows me knows I'm no stranger to the F-bomb! (sorry, mom)

What frustrates and disappoints me is the complete and utter lack of civility in the world today. Incivility crosses generational barriers - it's an epidemic that is eating away at all of us. When did it become okay to scream and yell at each other to "solve a problem?" When did kids get so belligerent to adults in charge? I'm guilty of swearing at a driver in front of me who is going too slowly or the guy behind whose bright lights are blinding me. I have to do self-talk and tell myself to relax and take a deep breath... it's not that big of a deal! But if it's not a big deal, why does it raise my blood pressure to begin with? Is it that we have become so wrapped up in our own schedules, our own problems, and our own little worlds that we really have no regard for other people?

What I have noticed is the slippery slope that is the lack of civility. Once a person disregards another and tears him to shreds, there is no going back. The next time the opportunity arises to do the same, that terrible beast comes out again. Anitra was reading an Eric Jensen book about remembering where impoverished students come from in our teaching and she read a passage about the need to teach kindness and courtesy in school - that we cannot assume students come to school knowing how to behave or knowing the importance of treating each other with respect and dignity. The problem I see is that many adults in our schools don't know the importance of treating each other (or their students) with the same respect and dignity they expect from their students.

One place incivility has become brutally evident is in cyberspace. The feeling of anonymity that comes with dressing someone down with a few keystrokes is contagious. Even when people are logged in under their own identity, there is something about not being able to see the other person's face that allows one person to verbally pummel another.

I don't know how to fix this problem except by modeling kind and decent behavior ourselves. Students need to see that we value treating all people with kindness and courtesy. We can only hope decency is contagious as well.

“When once the forms of civility are violated, there remains little hope of return to kindness or decency.” ~Samuel Johnson

Another 90.

2010-02-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

Kasey is a young woman who went to school here for three years... although if you add up the days she was actually in attendance, it was probably more like two. In that time, she was out of school suspended on various occasions for threatening kids, harassing others, and fighting. She was less than charming for most of her tenure here. She was truant so often that near the middle of spring semester of last year, I sent her packing... she was withdrawn from school. I was done with chasing her around.

She chose not to come back for the first semester of this year - I'm not sure what she was doing with her time, but during finals week, she came in to re-enroll. I am ashamed to admit, I closed my office door and let out a private defeated sigh, coupled with a dramatic eye roll. What we have here is an 18-year-old with TEN CREDITS. In three years, she got a little less than half way through high school. I'm no mathematician, but at THAT rate, she won't graduate until she is 21. Statistically speaking, that won't happen. I talked with her about the possibility of getting a GED, and she and her mom said they would look into it, but in the end, she is insistent upon being here.

I had a conversation with her about how she would be on a zero-tolerance plan. She would need to be in class - EVERY class, and she would not be involved in the drama that happens with the group of kids she tends to hang out with. I told her I would expect the leadership that comes with being 18 in a school full of (mostly) minors. She agreed. (I was skeptical.)

While I was gone on Monday, three girls who are on my caseload went over to a store nearby, stole compressed air, huffed it on the way back to school, and then hid in a third floor bathroom and huffed some more. Kasey walked into that bathroom to use the restroom. She saw what was happening, and one of the girls offered her a huff (Kasey still looks like the type of girl who would take someone up on that offer!) She reached for the can and took off running out of the bathroom (I have this on the surveillance camera!) She turned the can and the names of the three girls over to the office.

Miracles do happen, don't they!? Two years ago, Kasey would have been the ringleader here, and now, she is stepping up to the plate and being a good citizen. I still don't know if Kasey will stick it out and get a diploma. She may end up with a GED and then go to beauty school, which is what she plans to do. Either way she (and we) wins - I'd say Kasey's one of the 90.

Making it up on the fly

2010-02-03T01:47:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny that we have to go to college to be "certified" to do certain jobs - like teaching? It's funny for a few reasons. The first is that "certified" and "qualified" are two different things. I have known many paraprofessionals who are more qualified to teach so students can learn than the teachers in whose rooms they work! Secondly, most of the learning for a job like this happens - on the fly!

We really are just making this up as we go along. There is little in a book that can prepare you to figure out to accommodate for everyone's unique needs... there is little anywhere to prepare you to figure out that everyone has his or her own story and the ethical thing to do is to honor each of those stories. There is absolutely nothing in a book that can prepare you to hear about the horrors some students go home to at night.

Besides learning subject matter, a degree in education really says more about the fact that you are willing to stick with something for the duration. The real test of a teacher's mettle is actually in the classroom. I think it was Steve Bennetts who said, "everyone should have to teach for at least five years in junior high - if you can survive that, you can survive anything!" I know I learned a ton teaching middle school. I learned to laugh with kids. I learned to laugh at myself (although to be honest, I had THAT down long before middle school!) I learned to roll with the punches. I learned to switch directions in midstream if something wasn't going well. I built a big bag of tricks and loved using them every day!

90-10.

2010-02-02T15:14:00.003-07:00

It is a day like today that I am reminded that the law of 90-10 really does exist. Ninty percent of the people in the world are wonderful human beings. Ten percent are pukey. We need to focus on the 90.

The AA Orchestra Festival is here at CMR and students from GFHS and the Kalispell schools were in our cafeteria eating during their lunch break. They were there at a strange time, lingering after our students returned to class.

On a normal day, our students with profound special needs do their "work" time by doing small tasks in the cafeteria - helping the women who work in the cafeteria tear down the condiment bar or helping the custodian wipe tables. Poor Katie was practically paralyzed, engaged in "self-stim," rocking back and forth like crazy because her world was not right. There were students at the table she usually starts with - students who, for the most part were just eating, laughing, socializing, and ignoring her.

Finally, she went up to one young man, standing way too close, saying, "hi.... hi.... hi...Katie...Katie..." and reaching to take his hand - just as she is taught to do - "Shake hands and introduce yourself, Katie!" Instead of the reaction you might expect from a long-haired teenage boy, surrounded by his friends, he held her hand and said, "Hi, Katie, I'm Peter. How are you?" This made her start giggling... "good...good...good... Katie... Katie..." By this time, her teacher noticed what was happening and went over to her and said, "Okay, Katie, you can start over here."

There are so many good eggs out there! I had to pat him on the back on my way out and say, "Thank you for being good to our kids!" His response as he chugged the rest of his milk was, "No problem!" Peter's one of the 90.

90-10 continues tomorrow...

The grass isn't always greener.

2010-02-01T20:45:00.003-07:00

I went with a group of teachers to another AA high school today to observe some of the things they are doing with co-teaching and differentiated instruction. Every time I go on a school visitation, I feel fortunate to work where I do. We have such good high schools here and we really are doing so many great things! Sure, we have room for improvement, but we are on the right track!

One of the classrooms I visited had a regular education teacher and a special education teacher as "co-teachers." When I walked in, the regular ed teacher was lecturing to the whole class while the special ed teacher was seated at the desk doing paperwork. I asked her later what she felt her role in the classroom was and she said, "I grade papers, keep the gradebook up to date, and make parent phone calls when students are two or more assignments behind." Um... I think what we have here is an over paid teachers' aide! I cannot believe any certified teacher would allow herself to be underutilized in that way! On the other hand, the regular ed teacher has a pretty cakey deal! No papers to grade and none of those pesky parent contacts!

I saw some neat things one teacher was doing with differentiation...and some not so great things another teacher was doing... in all, I came back with the understanding that the grass isn't always greener. We need to take a look at all the things we are doing right and be proud of those efforts... and then we need to be a little dissatisfied with where we are and strive to get better.

January whizzes by in a blur.

2010-01-31T20:47:00.045-07:00

January is gone. January seemed to fly by in such a hurry, it's hard to believe half of the school year is over. I listened to an article on NPR about the reason time seems to fly by faster as you get older... fascinating stuff... It sure makes me want to go out and find new and novel things to do to put the skids on this perpetual state of fast-forward I feel like I'm in!

When I take a look at what I set out to do - to write in the blog every day, I can say I did okay! I think I see 31 posts in January, and while that is cheating a little (a couple of posts on a couple of days; no posts on a couple of others,) I'll take it.

My plan to exercise... isn't going so well. I have had one hell of a month at work and I'm so mentally and physically exhausted when I come home, I can't fathom one more thing to do. I tell myself I'll get up extra early and jump on the treadmill, but that alarm rings and I just want more sleep. I know I need to change my expectations of myself when it comes to exercise. When I think about gettting on the treadmill, I make myself think I need to dedicate 45 minutes to an hour. If I would change my thinking and expect to spend 20 minutes on it, maybe I'd be more inclined to do it! 20 minutes might become more, but at least it would be something (yea - something like 20 minutes more than I'm doing now!)

I'm not watching as much TV as I had been, but frankly, it's mostly because I'm averaging 11 hours a day at work and I'm too tired to do anything but fall into bed and sleep. I have been pushing myself to write each day and I work on my online classwork too, but I've been good about doing those without the distraction of the TV. The other reason I'm not watching as much TV is because I have a ten-year-old who has decided snuggling in bed with mom is the best thing to do each night, so it's nice to enjoy my thoughts, the quiet tapping of the keys, and the peaceful sound of a sleeping kid.

My third resolution (you know, the one I won't tell anyone about?) comes and goes... some days I'm really proud of myself, and other days I beat myself up over not improving... such is life, huh?

Little victories matter.

2010-01-30T13:26:00.008-07:00

It's hard to see this picture, but it is a picture of a retired teacher and a former student. The student is a guy who most certainly rides a Harley - tattoos up and down his arms, long hair - in short, he's a caricature of a biker. We were having drinks last night (emphasis on the plural) and debriefing a particularly trying week. We were talking about all of the bullshit we put up with at school and how important it is to hang on to little victories.

As we were sitting there, Mr. Zero spots Harry (Donna has another story about how the guy came to be standing at the table, but who believes Donna, anyway?) He says, "Mr. Egan!?!" ...and gives Harry a hearty handshake. "What happened to your Fu-Manchu mustache?" (So, as Donna pointed out, obviously the guy is in his 40s if he remembers THAT cheesy thing!) "When I was in 7th grade, you called everyone down to the weight room to watch me bench press 205 pounds! That was the coolest thing that happened to me in junior high!" He had a smile from ear to ear... and so did Harry. Harry said, more than once last night, "we just have to touch one kid at a time." I know he's right, but when I'm fighting with the 200 kids in between each one I touch... it's exhausting!

Harry is definitely a 90.

Nailing jello.

2010-01-29T12:57:00.002-07:00

We are one week in to the new semester and I am ready to poke my eyes out with a dull crayon. I have diligently pin-pointed students who struggled last semester - those who had a lot of absences and/or tardies - those who had a difficult time behaving... I have whittled my list of 500 charges down to 50 who need at least weekly attention (some need DAILY attention.) And now begins the task of keeping all 50 of them where they belong each hour of the day. Picture me, trying to get 50 kittens to stay in a box... kittens who would rather be exploring (except I work with bad-ass kittens who want to go smoke by Sam's Club or make out with other hot little kitties in the stairwells.) I really DO have to just be amused by the things that happen each day, don't I?

Who is in charge of this mess?

2010-01-27T20:24:00.004-07:00

So in the statistics section of today's paper, I read this:

Besides the second announcement being a little untraditional, the name of the first mother of the second announcement made my stomach sick. Take a look at the news article from a few months ago. Maybe she can take her new baby to her sentencing in a Snugli. Who is in charge of this mess?

By KFBB News Team

Story Published: Nov 16, 2009 at 7:14 PM MST

A woman accused of trying to kill her fiance's infant daughter entered into a plea agreement. Alicia Hocter was originally charged with attempted deliberate homicide for allegedly hitting the two-month old baby's head against a crib several times, nearly killing her.

According to court documents, Hocter admitted to injuring her finance's daughter. The baby suffered permanent neurological damage and is now blind. Monday (11/16), Hocter pleaded guilty to amended felony charges of aggravated assault and criminal endangerment.

The State is recommending a 30-year prison sentence with 12 years suspended. Sentencing is scheduled for February 25th. (http://www.kfbb.com/news/local/70243382.html)

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say Alicia Hocter is a 10.

Enable them to death.

2010-01-27T20:09:00.000-07:00

It breaks my heart to work with student after student who is enabled to death by parents. Parents are so sure I spend my time sitting in my office plotting against their child... oh, to have that much time... Pa-leese.

Mind-numbing therapy.

2010-01-26T21:15:00.000-07:00

I'm about to start my period. I'm sorry to say, a few kids got the wrath of me today. I hate it when, at the end of the day, I feel like I didn't serve them well. Even when I feel like shit, they deserve dignity and respect. Don't get me wrong, I didn't treat kids disrespectfully... but I certainly didn't have the compassion I aim to have most days...

Oddly enough, I enjoyed finishing a 42 page report for the state today. I "had" to close my door and be alone for about four hours this morning. Who would have thought a mind-numbing chore could be so therapeutic!

Does that make me an idiot?

2010-01-25T11:49:00.000-07:00

I got an email from a woman at work - I had been cc:ed (although I couldn't tell that right away by looking at the message in my inbox). The subject line said "JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW." In my mind I was opening one of those mushy emails that has a nice statement about how much someone appreciates you...

The sender is the records clerk so this is a very busy time of year for her. It turns out it's something about how she had to change a grade for a student for one reason or another.

Does that make me an idiot? Perhaps.

As if she knew it were true...

2010-01-23T15:40:00.035-07:00

What is it that people enjoy so much about gossip? I can almost understand teenagers gossiping... they are emotionally immature and are still trying to figure out their places in the world. They don't realize the consequences of what they are saying - how their words can leave lasting scars on the victims of their stories.

This week, I heard from a reliable source that a woman I know - a woman I feel like I'm friends with - a mom of teenagers - repeated a gossipy story to other adults (and within earshot of kids - kids who know the subject of the gossip). It was a story that she repeated as if she knew it were true. It was so disappointing and infuriating...and saddening to hear that. It changed the way I think about the woman. The story/gossip revolved around a twelve-year-old girl (the daughter of another friend of mind) and how she is pregnant - and the father could be any one of three boys. She repeated the story as if she knew it were true.

I cannot think of a reason to repeat that story. What if it were true (which I don't think it is)? If it is, what benefit would come from talking about it? What if it is false? It is is false, what harm could come of talking about it? What kind of person would make the decision to repeat that information?

Do-in' good!

2010-01-22T17:22:00.003-07:00

There is a special needs boy at school named Nick. Nick is hands down THE HAPPIEST kid I have ever met! He makes his own lunch every day (every day it's the same - baloney sandwich, fruit cup, and a juice box). He goes to the cafeteria for A Lunch and scarfs down his meal and then he makes his rounds: He stops by the front desk of the office where I can hear Dawn say, "Hey, Nick, how's it going?" He replies, "Do-in' Good!" He stops in to see the SRO to get a high five from a guy with a gun. "Good to see you Nick! How ya doin'?" "Do-in' Good!" He stops in each AP's office and each counselor's office and then heads back to the cafeteria to hang with his peeps.

I tell the girls, "if you don't feel good, some times you have to fake it to try to trick yourself into feeling okay." I truly think Nick is always "do-in' good," but why don't the rest of us adopt the high-fivin' Nick attitude?

Outside my office, I heard one teacher pass another and the first one said, "How's it going, Mike?" and "Mike" launched into a ten minute tirade about how things were terrible and his back and his hemorrhoids felt awful and how the economy is nowhere near recovering, and so on and so on... I think the other teacher might have been looking for a simple "do-in' good!"

So my advice to myself and anyone else willing to listen today is... dig down for your inner Nick and just answer "do-in' good!" once in a while... I bet it will feel great!

Thanks, Matt's dad!

2010-01-21T20:42:00.002-07:00

I got an email from a teacher who said a mother called in and excused her son from the teacher's class, but the kid was later seen in another classroom, working on a project. The teacher was a little miffed that the kid obviously lied to his mother to get her to excuse him and when she (the teacher) confronted the student, he because insubordinate and rude.

She called his dad (the custodial parent) and his dad agreed to come in. The dad called me so I could "arm him with information before he walked into the meeting" because he hadn't been given many details. I told him I didn't know much about it except that I understood the kid was very disrespectful to the teacher when she confronted him about missing her class.

The dad's response was, "I don't care what he did or what she did, what pisses me off is that he showed disrespect to an adult, much worse a TEACHER. I won't put up with that shit. The hammer's coming down!"

That raging statement was the shining light in my LONG week! Thanks, Matt's dad!

Something's got to give.

2010-01-20T06:38:00.002-07:00

It's that time of year again. The end of the semester brings with it students who are in tears because as it turns out, a last ditch effort most often isn’t enough. Students find out they need to repeat a class and parents decide it's time to actively... parent... and no one is happy.

Seniors are usually the most riled up because the fruits of their labors (or the consequences for their inaction) will come the soonest. The same parents who complain because we treat their kid like a baby (“He’s 18 years old for chrissake!”) are complaining because we talked with the kid about it, but not them (so they could badger the 18 year old to get out of bed in the morning….the same 18 year old who is the adult…)

I look down the hall to the advisement center and see kids who were “exited” from school last semester who are ready to try again… and it makes me tired… I so hope they really ARE ready to try again…

It’s times like this that it feels like everyone wants a piece of me, and all of my pieces are disappearing to quickly! It seems like I have 18 hours of work to do each day between school and UOP; keeping the kids happy; keeping John happy (I’m certainly failing THERE these days); and feeding myself what I need to survive: I need 8 hours of sleep, time to be alone, and time to exercise… and somehow, it’s not adding up! Something’s got to give.

Everything's temporary given enough time.

2010-01-19T19:53:00.004-07:00

These are tense times in high school. Seniors who are failing are freaked out - their parents are more freaked out... Juniors who are failing are mad - their parents are more mad... Sophomores who are failing are apathetic - their parents are too... and finally, Freshmen who are failing are still in denial that they have to take a class over again (or several classes over again) - and oddly enough, their parents are too! I have been yelled at, cried at, and cussed at today. I got into my car, cranked the tunes, and took the long way home - pulling over to enjoy the view of the river along the way!

There are some CDs that just take me away from everything! I love listening to Jewel. When I first heard about her as an artist, I was skeptical... seriously - get a real name! Then I started listening... really thinking about what her music says. Although sometimes her lyrics are a little "colorful," the underlying message is one I want my daughters to hear. She sings about being yourself and not being judgmental... One of my favorite songs is called "Stephenville, TX" (which sounds a little "Bob Dylanish" to me). Her lyrics can be a little nonsensical, but I just love them - they make me forget about the dozen more unpleasant phone calls left to make tomorrow.

Take a listen to Stephenville, TX:

I'm trying to figure out who I am
But there's no hand to hold, no Doctor Martin Luther King
There's just sycophants
And the mindlessness on TV or in the magazines
On the latest ways to behave
So why not follow me, the blond bombshell deity?
I'll sell you neat ideas without big words
And a little bit of cleavage to help wash it all down...

Address the gap.

2010-01-19T04:15:00.004-07:00

So much of the time, we approach a problem by examining, studying, and dwelling on what isn't right -OR- by pacing around and wringing our hands about how we will never reach the desired goal. We are so good at admiring the problem (or fretting about the impossibility of the target,) but we fail even to take a peek at possible solutions. Instead of this method, we should spend time finding and then addressing the gap.

We need to figure out where we are, then gauge where we want to be, and then figure out what it will take to close the gap. Shifting our focus to the gap stops us from obsessing about A) how terrible things are now and B) how impossible the best case scenario is. If we can define the gap and then break it down into steps, all things are possible.

"It is not enough to take steps which may some day lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise." ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

It goes on.

2010-01-18T12:26:00.001-07:00

It’s interesting that some people can go about their day, working independently, competently… until someone else shows up… and then they have to run every decision by the other person. Some wives complain that their husbands are that way as parents... alone, they are great! But when the wife shows back up, all of a sudden she is shouldered with the work! Where does that sudden feeling of incompetence come from? Or maybe it's a sudden lack of confidence? Does the person think his or her decisions will be scrutinized? I don't know what it is, but today it's making me want to go hide in another office and be unavailable! But enough ranting...

I love days like today when students are out of the building and I can have a lot of uninterrupted time (except for every ten minutes when I'm making a decision the secretary can make when I'm not here) to get projects done. I always feel sheepish when I say those words... "I like it when the students are gone!" Obviously, students ARE my job, but there are so many other parts to it that are hard to do with a constant trickle of "new business" coming through my door!

I'm come to the conclusion - much like the decision I made when McKenna was a baby - that there are some things that I have to let go of. I started this school year with the ambitious idea that I would get into five classrooms a day. Guess how many I've been in since we got back after the holidays? ...oh... ten... TOTAL. I want to do everything the way I know it should be done, but the reality is - it can't happen. There simply are not enough hours in the day, and that just needs to be okay.

So... I won't get into as many classrooms, and my house will be dustier than it should...and life will go on. Robert Frost once said, "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." Amen.

Blighter's Rock.

2010-01-17T15:42:00.004-07:00

I wanted to write something about a place by the shore called Blighter's Rock. It's an imaginary place I go when I have all of my energy sucked out of me and yet I want to continue writing. I don't want to go there, but a gravitational force sucks me in that direction. When I have no energy, the "juices" I'd normally use to create - anything - are gone. It's those days that, as Mel described in her blog, "the cat rubs up against me, wanting something from me, and it sends me over the edge." It's THOSE days that I am pulled to Blighter's Rock, and there is no coming back!

Blighter's Rock is not just about not having anything to say (if it were, I'd be there all the time...) It's about not having the ability to do anything. I used to think it was procrastination or laziness, and because of that, I'd beat myself up when I'd go there. I've come to understand it to be that overwhelming feeling where you have so many things in your mind that you don't know how to focus on any one of them - not even enough to take a baby step - and that's really all you need to do to start walking away from that place and back to where you really live.

I've finally gotten to the point that when I am in this terrible place, I can make a list of the things I need to accomplish (sometimes that might be as easy as "get a good night's sleep"), and then set to do them. I do the easy ones first - so I don't start crying... and the harder tasks start to seem easier and less overwhelming with the satisfaction of getting some of the easier items checked off...

NOTE: I thought I was being so clever when I started thinking of this place, but then I Googled it. You can thank some damn Australian for stealing my thunder. In his blog, he writes about a celebration of Russell Hoban's birthday. Hoban is the author of more than sixty books for children (including The Mouse and His Child and the Frances books) and more than a dozen novels for adults. His best known novels include Riddley Walker, Turtle Diary and Kleinzeit. Hoban writes on yellow paper, he says, to ward off "blighter's rock...to intensify the blankness of a blank sheet of white paper is to run to meet trouble considerably more than halfway."

There are a couple of other references to it too... shit... and to think I thought I was so original.

Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting.

2010-01-16T10:39:00.002-07:00

Why do we let some things bother us so much? I think I have a decent grasp of my priorities. My work involves a lot of time outside of the traditional work day, but I really try to include my family in the after-hours stuff - like watching game after game after game of the sport du jour (but let's face it, there is nothing painful about watching our varsity boys play ball!) I try to attend each and every activity, skipping one here or there when there isn't a way to resolve a conflict with my personal/family schedule. So why do I let the little comments get to me?

What I hear: "You missed the ___(fill in the blank with the "disaster" or "near miss" that happened after I left...that I couldn't have helped with anyway, but nonetheless...)___ last night after you left!" My read: "Why did you leave so early, you slacker?" My reality: "Holy crap, I need to get these kids home to bed! It's 9:45 and they have school tomorrow!" And finally, my conversation with my co-worker who stayed longer than I did: "Last night? Oh, yea... (fill in the blank with the small issue that was resolved with a little legwork from the two who stayed) ? It wasn't a big deal - we handled it."

Isn't it weird that comments from one person feel like criticism while you don't read that same criticism into another's comments? I found a quotation that says, “Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting” (Emmet Fox). I wonder if it's true in this case? Bottom line, I need to do what I know is right by my family and me while continuing to work hard professionally...and for heaven's sake! STOP READING INTO WHAT PEOPLE SAY!

Cross-town week is put to bed.

2010-01-15T22:51:00.002-07:00

The key is not the "will to win" . . . everybody has that. It is the will to prepare to win that is important.

~Bobby Knight

"Cross-town Week" just about kicked my butt! This week was crazy with disciplinary issues at school and then the boys played across the river on Tuesday and the girls played in our house on Thursday (both of those nights we were getting home about 9:45), and today it was one thing after another!

I haven't earned a beer like this in a while!

Bragging rights.

2010-01-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

The "cross-town" basketball games were this week. In a small town (by America's standards), but a big city (by Montana's standards!) with only two high schools where the town is divided by a river (how's that for an obvious LINE down the middle!), each time the two high schools play each other, it's battle for a year of bragging rights.
Our whiz-kid is a young man, who signed with Stanford. The house was packed, waiting to watch his show! He is this kid who is a straight A student (taking a full-load of honors/AP classes plus another high-level physics class independent study), a nice, humble kid who is liked by all... this kid deserves the attention he is getting! He bats away shots, dunks the ball, and cleans up most any error made by another player... it's amazing to watch! It will be so fun to see him play for a big school and watch him develop his game even more!

Go ahead, I'm listening.

2010-01-13T21:21:00.001-07:00

I'm disenchanted. It's not about my thighs this time or my inability to make good decisions about my bed time. It's about listening (or lack thereof).

I'm disenchanted by people who SAY they are "listening," when it really feels like they want to LOOK like they are listening. Listening is a great, generous thing (just what we want to have people see us doing!), but when one says he's listening, but doesn't act like he's HEARD, it kind of negates the listening, doesn't it?

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” ~Karl Menninger

What does it say about a person?

2010-01-12T04:49:00.002-07:00

I went to the mailboxes at school today and got my handful of silly stuff. I get prom catalogs (which immediately pawn off to Julie!), graduate credit opportunities (which I pawn off to teachers who I know need a kick in the butt to start master's work), and the smattering of "real" mail (which I throw on my desk to deal with later - quite a system I have there, huh?)

The thing I noticed today (besides my mail) was a Tupperware container in a teacher's mailbox, evidently left by someone who ate downstairs and wanted to leave his container where he wouldn't forget to take it home. At first, I started thinking about the teacher and tried to figure about what it says about a person when he leaves behind a container...or what the type of food a person brings for lunch says about him... and then I thought - why should I try to channel Freud when I can just mess with the guy! I took his container and put four sunflower seeds and a sugar packet it in and put it back in his mailbox.

Back to psychoanalyzing...what does it say about a person when she anonymously puts crap in a person's Tupperware? I say "who the hell cares?"

Finish each day and be done with it.

2010-01-11T17:17:00.002-07:00

I did it! I went to sleep at 9:00 and fell asleep quickly (I think!) Oh shit, now that means I have fewer excuses not to exercise! What a crock!

This week, I have the boys' cross-town game on Tuesday at GFH and the girls' cross-town game on Thursday at CMR... it will be a busy week, but I've got to be more consistent with exercise than LAST week (since I couldn't get any worse!) All I have to do is walk more than twice and I've done better than before! I think my mom said improvement is what it's about... If that's the case, I better not walk more than three times, or it will be harder to improve the next week (I'm really liking this logic...)

Speaking of jogging on a treadmill, I "processed" a fight for most of today... Two boys got into an altercation this morning, and I spent most of my day interviewing witnesses, talking to parents, etc., etc., etc... Days like today are like jogging on a treadmill since they make you break a sweat, but you go no where... I got absolutely NOTHING done!

I need to keep repeating my mantra... "tomorrow's a new day...tomorrow's a new day...tomorrow's a new day..."

"Finish each day and be done with it, you have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in, forget them as soon as you can.

"Tomorrow is a new day, you shall begin it well and serenely."

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's a fine line.

2010-01-10T20:44:00.005-07:00

It’s a fine line…I am having a hard time exercising in the morning because my back is so tender, but I have gotten on the treadmill for an hour in the evening and I’m wide awake until TOO LATE! I used to say, “John talks about having to ‘wind down’ before going to bed, but me? heck no! I can go right to sleep!” Well, that may not be true after all… maybe I didn’t know that before because it never occurred to me to… exercise… Last week, I got on the treadmill for a little under an hour sometime in the evening (I don’t remember how late it was) and I had a REALLY hard time going to sleep that night.

I guess what I need to do is to figure out where that threshold is! If I jump on right now (6:15 PM), will I be miserable, staring at the ceiling in bed? This sounds like a potentially unpleasant experiment, but I guess I had better get off my ass and figure it out if I’m going to make this thing work! Here goes!
Okay I’m back and it’s 7:10 PM. I did 2.48 miles and burned 264 calories in 47 minutes on the treadmill… and I’m SWEATY! This is how out of shape I am: I walk for 10 minutes and then run for 3 minutes. THREE. Three minutes is all I can run without my heart exploding! I can hear my mother now, giving me a hard time for giving MYSELF a hard time… I need to praise myself for jumping on the laundry rack and giving it a spin!
Alright, I’m off to bed… I’ll let you know tomorrow whether sleep comes easy (or maybe later tonight if I REALLY can’t get to sleep!)

Next week's a new week.

2010-01-09T12:11:00.001-07:00

"I’ve pretty much accepted I’m talking to myself in my blog posts." Posted by vander1 on ruminations.com

It's probably too early in 2010 to have this kind of attitude, right? It was just that kind of week... I'm sure the treadmill will make me feel better though. (as if.) Getting up early to walk on the the treadmill hasn't worked well because my back hurts so terribly, I can't even work up a sweat as I "tread" as lightly as possible to try to avoid feeling my back tweaking! And last week was nightmarish at work as I had activities to supervise (or kids to taxi around) three of the four nights. How do people do it? I told the girls I had better strike a few yoga poses first in the morning to see if I can do it!

Next week's a new week...

Crunching numbers.

2010-01-08T19:44:00.004-07:00

Let's go ahead and stop using the phrase "crunching numbers." It doesn't put any type of helpful visual imagery in my head - and it's annoying – especially when what you really mean is “add.”

I sat through a very long meeting today and all I could do was think about the plethora of items on my desk that I could have been working on. Because I was so distracted, I couldn't focus on the content of the meeting, so I sat there instead, making a list of every annoying thing that was said.

Besides “crunching numbers,” (allow me to refer to my very useful notes I was taking), there was “monetize” and “ruminate.”

When we are talking about making a budget, there is no point in trying to make it more elegant-sounding than it is.Creating a budget is tedious, mundane work. “Monetize” makes it sound like an intricate Ponzi scheme when the truth is, it is a column of money “IN” and a column of money “OUT.” That. is. it.

And finally “ruminate.” I LOVE the site, ruminations.com, but the word “ruminate” has limited use. Please don’t use “ruminate” to mean, simply, “think.” Here we go again with the $25 word in place of a $5 word… um… no.

Deep thoughts.

2010-01-07T22:01:00.001-07:00

"I bet if you were in some old west gang, and you were dragging a guy along the ground with your horse, it'd probably make you really mad to look back and see him reading a magazine." ~Jack Handy

No embarrassing accolades.

2010-01-06T19:56:00.006-07:00

The school district is moving to a Microsoft Exchange server and in the process, moving everyone to Outlook 2007 for email rather than QuickMail, the inane program we used before, which was anything but ("quick"). Ever heard of Quickmail? Right. No one has. Anyway, I boycotted QuickMail a long time ago and have always used Outlook.
I love Outlook's calendar feature with its color-coding and its reminders that pop up with a melodic "ding" that tell me what to do throughout the day! I'm afraid of what would happen if we lost power at school! ...without those reminders, I'd just sit at my desk with a little spittle dribbling down from the corner of my mouth, paralyzed, not knowing what to do. I sync Outlook to my Blackberry, without which I could not manage my life (I KNOW, it's exciting to think about - you probably have little butterflies in your stomach as I talk about it too!)

Anywho, due to my unnatural love affair with the program (which is likely illegal in a few states and/or municipalities), I've been one of the Outlook trainers thus far. Today, I was explaining the calendar features to one of the secretaries-the only one who makes appointments for other people (someone who most certainly would see the value and multi-dimensional utility of this marvelous program.) I was getting more and more worked up, gesticulating wildly, bubbling on about the calendar sharing features which will do away with the archaic paper system she uses now - by this point, I'm pretty sure spit flew from my mouth at least once as I excitedly spewed fascinating details about the program.

Finally, I looked up with a huge smile on my face, anticipating an embarrassing accolade and quite possibly an inappropriate embrace from the woman! What do I see? NOTHING. Not a response. Crickets chirping. What delusional little place inside me thinks I can change anyone's mind? When she walked away with a semi-polite, "Neat! I bet that will be hard to learn!" I thought of the exchange between Sally and her friend, Marie about a married man Marie is dating in When Harry Met Sally, one of my favorite movies:

Marie: The point is, he just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. I don't think he's ever gonna leave her.
Sally: No one thinks he's ever gonna leave her.
Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

Are some people so closed, they will never look for a better way?

Just desserts.

2010-01-05T06:13:00.007-07:00

...continued from yesterday's "Karma."

Folks who fart as frequently and freely as we do really do deserve a gaggle of flatulent animals.

A few years ago, we got Jessie, a Boston Terrier who is the sweetest dog. She is smart and tenacious, and she farts. She doesn't fart a little, she doesn't let go of SBDs*, she farts, audibly, ALL THE TIME. She has the walking farts as she walks out of a room pffffttt, pffffttt, pffffttt, pffffttt. She will fart while she waits for you to throw a ball for her, pbtbtbtbtzzzbtbt (followed by the joyful wagging of her little, callused, stump of a tail). She will fart while she is curled up in the living room sleeping while everyone surrounding her is enjoying a peaceful, quiet evening, thrrrrrrrptptptptptptflpflpflpflpflprrrrrrtttroot. It’s not something we looked for in a pet, but it just happened…and it couldn’t have happened to a more fitting family.

A few months ago, Gunnar joined ranks. Gunnar is a seven month old Golden Retriever and while he doesn’t fart like the rest of us, he slurps at the water dish so LOUDLY, it sounds like someone is splashing around in a kiddie pool...and then he burps like a human being… his belches rival those heard in a junior high cafeteria.

Bob is the cat. Bob was a stray and he's maybe five years old. When he performs any bodily function, he does so quietly and gracefully, like any dignified cat would (except for hacking up a hairball, which turns any cat into nothing more than a caricature - AACK!! - click on the cat picture to animate him...). Bob looks at the two other creatures with a great deal of distain. The fact that he has to listen to their slurping at the water dish, farting, and burping is more than he can bear some days.

Hey, Bob, you crap in a box. Get over yourself.

*SBDs = Silent but Deadlies (something anyone who made it through 5th grade without eating paste would know).

Karma.

2010-01-04T05:15:00.004-07:00

Farting is funny. Not funny "ha-ha," but roll on the floor, nearly wet myself FUNNY (and ever since I had kids, wetting myself in laughter has become a lot easier... I've GOT to get back to Kegels... anyway, I digress).

When we were little, and someone "fluffied," we would all giggle... mom and dad would even get a little chuckle out of it, but Grandma and Grandpa Messman? Well, it wasn't funny to them! One time, Grandpa Messman farted at a family gathering at their house and one of us giggled about it and whoever it was got hauled into a back bedroom to sit (and what? think about how UNfunny it is?? Well it IS funny... so sitting and thinking about it only makes it funnier!) That whole thing was awfully unfair that the person pumping the stench into the air got to stay out there, but adults are in charge, right?

So cut to present day (pun intended). My kids LOVE to fart and I mean LOUDLY. Josey has a way of doing a little double-clutch arm action while she farts so loudly, I think we are going to have to search for some newer, extra-strength laundry product. McKenna loves to fart very loudly and then just keep a straight face as if nothing happened... and just wait for people to moan about it... They came about their penchant for laughing at gas honestly. It cracks me up so much, I'm sitting here now, laughing until I cry!

The other day, I was cleaning the bathroom, and I guess being in the vicinity unearthed some deeply hidden intestinal bubbles and I squeaked out a few. I said, loudly enough for anyone within earshot to hear, "Excuse me, sorry!" I forgot that right next door to the bathroom was Josey's room and she had a friend over playing! I listened to see if Josey made an embarrassed comment, and I didn't hear one, so I was relieved (again - intended) my gaseous mistake went unnoticed! ...until I walked out into the living room. McKenna stopped what she was doing on the computer (which usually takes an act of Congress), turned to me, and said, dead serious, "Don't EVER do that when I have friends over." She punctuated her comment with a quiet glare, then she slowly turned back around and continued... searching Abercrombie for the perfect pair of jeans (which is only a fraction of the important things she has to accomplish online.) Oops. I guess farting is only funny sometimes... (to her...)

...to be continued...

Fear and loathing.

2010-01-03T11:10:00.004-07:00

Why does the day before returning to work after a long break remind me of the same fear and loathing I feel before grading a stack of 50 poorly-written essays or shopping at Walmart or starting to organize a closet that has taken on a life of its own?

Luck be a lady.

2010-01-03T10:40:00.002-07:00

Isn't life a little like Wheel of Fortune (probably a LOT like it if you think of all of the religious and philosophical allegories surrounding "Rota Fortunae"). I’m talking about the game show, though…Wheel of Fortune gives players clues as to what might be hidden behind the tiles, but requires the individual player’s skill AND the luck of the spin to seal the deal. A smart player with great skill might get a bad spin and lose everything; an idiotic player can bumble his way to big money with luck on his side.

Don't we all know someone who has it all going on, and yet has nothing? My heart breaks for people who are smart, work their asses off, buy the right proverbial vowels, and yet still end up behind. I suppose the lesson here is to more carefully examine what they DO have... blah blah blah... All I'm saying is, if a person spends 250 bucks on a well-played vowel, he should come out ahead!

Conversely, we all know someone who is such an idiot, but who has it all! A person like this has been what... given everything he has? was presented with a ridiculously easy puzzle? played against other people who were a bit more stupid than he? There isn't much use in obsessing over why Darwinism hasn't kicked in for certain people, but crap, it's maddening! If someone who couldn't find his way out of a paper bag has it all, why don't I? (I probably don't want an answer to that question.)

Here's to avoiding the big, black BANKRUPT on the wheel and to choosing the right vowels this year. May lady luck be on our side!

Another chance to get it right.

2010-01-02T12:57:00.000-07:00

I always say I love the world of academia because you always have another chance to start over. As a teacher, if this period seems to be going badly, 53 minutes later, you get to start over. If today isn't working out, tomorrow's a new day! If the kids are making you crazy this month, Spring Break is just around the corner and you get to start fresh after that. And then there is the do-over at the end of the quarter, the semester, and finally... the new school year. In some ways, the "New Year" is like that for everyone... Oprah Winfrey said, “Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.” I'll drink to that!

A little more of the same.

2010-01-01T12:34:00.010-07:00

Resolutions... when I think about making them, I feel a sudden wave of practicality wash over me, and I think, "why rack my brains for a few MORE things to beat myself up over not doing?" If there is one thing I'm really good at, it's hammering myself for doing too much of this and not enough of that. So isn't manufacturing impossible expectations of myself that will glare at me for a year (A WHOLE YEAR?!) a little more of the same?

That said, there are three reasons I'm going to do it anyway... time, time, and time.

1) Life is too short to feel lousy all the time... and I feel bad, physically, all the time.

My back hurts (so much that it's often painful to roll over in bed)

My clothes are too tight (and NO, I'm NOT going to buy bigger clothes thereby giving myself license to be BIGGER)

I feel out of breath when I need to run up to the third floor at work (and NO, I'm NOT going to use the elevator)

All three of these bulleted items are linked, and I think I can trace this back to breaking my ankle last year. I was so inactive, I honestly believe I lost strength... core strength (and cardiovascular fitness). So... it's high time I stop shoving ten pounds of shit into a five pound bag and start moving!

NOTE: To put my concern about my weight in perspective, I must confess that I walked into a hospital thirteen and a half years ago AT THIS WEIGHT and proceeded to PUSH A FULL-TERM BABY OUT OF MY BODY!! So... while I'm not at the point that I need a crane to remove me from my bed while a TLC channel video production team interviews me, I AM at a point that I should be ready to push a baby out of my body, and yet the last time I checked, I WASN'T PREGNANT!

2) Life is too short to waste it in front of the TV. It's called "boob tube" for a reason, right? I often (nearly every night) spend time, sitting in bed, working on my online classes with the TV on. I know I get less done than I should since my attention is divided, and therefore it eats up my evening. Before I know it, David Letterman is on, and I'm still trying to get things done! What could I be doing rather than watching TV?

Efficiently working on my online classes

Journaling/Blogging

Reading professional publications

Sleeping

Bullet #4 is probably the most compelling to this woman who is ALWAYS tired. I could be going to bed earlier (which studies say helps with weight loss - which loops us back to Resolution #1). The other reason I should turn off the TV at night is so that I may turn ON the TV in the morning... I can DVR the shows I really like to watch, and allow myself to watch them while walking on the treadmill (also looping back to Resolution #1).

3) My third resolution has to do with making better use of time (or lack thereof) too...but it's all mine. This one is a secret resolution, posted only to continue to build the air of mystery I have worked so hard to develop (I've heard "mystique" and "intrigue" often come up when people describe me); it would be no fun to reveal EVERYTHING, now would it?

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!

Christmas in the Castro.

2009-12-31T21:27:00.009-07:00

I was engaged in an email conversation with Larry the other day... talking with him makes my day... I love having someone to chat with who will most certainly crack me up... I wish he were closer than San Francisco, but such is life... that's where email comes in, right? ...here is a snip of our conversation:

LARRY: We spent Christmas Day in the traditional way...I mowed the lawn then Geejer and I headed to the Castro for Thai Food and drinks with some friends.

ME: Our Christmas was nothing so traditional! You should have seen what Pat did with the sweet potatoes! She added APPLES!! I MEAN SERIOUSLY!! Talk about turning things UP-SIDE-DOWN! And then there was gravy, but no mashed potatoes?? What the HELL?? That woman might as well have sworn at the baby Jesus himself! I could only have WISHED for the comfort of Thai food and homosexuality for Christmas dinner.

Larry is one of those people with whom nothing is taboo. I was looking at his Facebook pictures and started giggling at the thought that we live on different planets... I remember visiting him when he and Geejer got married and I felt... OLD... and VANILLA... everyone else was so exciting and stylish and FUN! I was... well... not able to keep up!

ME: I looked at the photos on your site - of a Christmas party, I think... one woman dry-humping another... and I almost wrote: "Letty - after careful examination of your photos, I have come to the conclusion that you and I run in entirely different circles..." but I didn't want anyone to take me seriously... Fun stuff though... as different as the circles are, I'd wager one thing for sure... there is a LOT of laughter in both! It's freaking dangerous to be as funny as we are...

LARRY: We should have a show. The Larry and Susan Show. Maybe we do the Northwest Circuit when you're back from your summer thang... :-)

I miss you, Larry!

What a gyp.

2009-12-30T21:04:00.002-07:00

As you get older, the "young person" things you do such as staying out late, eating irresponsible food, and drinking too much booze make you feel old while the "old person" things you do like going to bed early, eating enough fiber, and drinking a lot of water make you feel young? What a gyp.

The circle of life.

2009-12-29T14:21:00.007-07:00

I was sitting at The Peak this morning, waiting for McKenna to finish her Results training session. A gentleman in his 80s, I'd guess, sat down in the lounge area (he's the guy on the left). Soon, another older guy (on the right) joined him and they started visiting. The first guy pulls one of those electronic 20 Questions toys out of his pocket and asks the other guy to "think of an item." He starts asking him each question on the screen, peering into the toy through the sweet spot in his bifocals to read each line. He was tickled to share his wondrous new toy with his friend.

Soon, a third man walked up and started visiting, asking how the holidays were and talking about the health of mutual acquaintances. As this was happening, the first guy was clearly annoyed that the third man was interrupting his game. He tried to explain the game, but for some reason, this adult wasn't that impressed. During the conversation, the device gave them an answer that was correct, and man number one (who was starting to look more childlike by the minute) clasped his hands together and looked so pleased with himself. He immediately looked at the third man and said, "Think of something--go ahead!" The third man said, "No thanks, I'll see you guys later" and walked away.

It was the weirdest exchange. It was like I was watching seven-year-olds sharing their Christmas toys--only the third guy was the mature kid who didn't get "toys" anymore.

After the game lost its appeal to his companion, the first man still held it on his lap, glancing down at it occasionally, as if willing it to draw in his friend for another fascinating game of 20 Questions.

Every corn-ner...corner.

2009-12-27T12:45:00.004-07:00

I love it when the girls and I hang out and just giggle ourselves silly. So often, with their ages what they are now, someone is moody so two of us are yucking it up and someone is sulking off in the corner (and sometimes that "someone" is me!) There is just a LOT of estrogen in the picture these days, so the rare moments when all cylinders are firing simultaneously are PRECIOUS! This weekend was one of those times.

We snuggled in bed, ate popcorn, and watched Taylor Swift on an SNL rerun on Saturday... we cracked up at Taylor Swift's musical monologue... could anyone who ISN'T that cute get away with that?? I keep hoping she is someone who will maintain her class so I'm okay with my girls loving her!

...later in the show, this skit cracked them up... I don't watch The View enough to know if the blond actress nailed the Elisabeth Hasselbeck co-hostess/character well, but her comments about H1N1 (and the way she delivered them) were hilarious. The girls are still repeating lines from this skit...

The human condition.

2009-12-26T19:03:00.001-07:00

Gunnar is usually in the kitchen to avoid the inevitable game of "grab ass" in the living room which always leads to things getting knocked over. This evening, he was being mellow, so I left the gate open so he could come and go. The gate got closed with him on the living room side. I looked down and saw SAD eyes, as he seemed to try, telepathically, to get me to open the gate. Of course, the minute I let him back into the kitchen, he stuck his head under and longed for the other side.

Deep down, don't we ALL want to be on the other side of the doggy gate?

Resolute denunciation.

2009-12-25T14:37:00.002-07:00

"Making resolutions is a cleansing ritual of self assessment and repentance that demands personal honesty and, ultimately, reinforces humility. Breaking them is part of the cycle." ~Chicago Tribune op-ed columnist Eric Zorn

Tapping a bishop...what??

2009-12-06T21:17:00.001-07:00

So I opened the paper this morning and my jaw dropped. Is it just me...or was the first page front-and-center teaser, "Episcopalians "tap" another gay bishop" provocative and a little disturbing...

But, luckily, a little less disturbing than the picture on the next page of the new bishop actually BEING tapped...hands on the shoulders? Really?

Crazy Beautiful!

2009-11-24T14:17:00.003-07:00

I go get coffee nearly every day (okay, who am I kidding - EVERY day). There are two different young women who work at the place... Both of them are pleasant and efficient, but one of them is the personification of "TMI!" She tells me the weirdest things as I sit there, waiting for my morning joe. She told me about how there is a "sock rule" in their house. "It's just a rule! I don't know what it is about me, but I need rules. So the "sock rule" is just a rule!" ...um... okay... I was never sure if they had to wear socks? or they couldn't wear socks? or their socks need to match? or they had to be knee socks? It just seems like a weird thing to obsess about... (course if I obsessed about a few more things in MY house, things might be a little tidier...)

Anyway, back to Ms. TMI... she has this window decal on the back of her vehicle that spans the width of the window that says, "CRAZY BEAUTIFUL!" Every time I pull in and see her rig there, I scream "CRAZY BEAUTIFUL!!" to myself... Who announces that to the world? I don't know... maybe more of us should... If I picked a few words to announce to everyone in town, what would they be?

...I'll get back to you on that... I can't be sure...

Global Warming is a Myth -or- NEWS FLASH! Summer School starts in the Snow

2008-06-11T06:15:00.002-06:00

I remember so clearly the early morning hours after McKenna was born on May 7, 1996. I was in the hospital when a nurse brought her to me to nurse around 2 AM. As she got her fill, I looked out the window into the dark and watched snow, back-lit by streetlights, falling gently to the ground. All the while I thought, "Snow in May... how crazy is that?"

"What the hell." That is what I was thinking a little over 12 years later when I woke up this morning around 5:00 and came out into the living room. I had to rub my eyes a few times when I looked outside and saw snow. Not snow "falling gently to the ground," but snow, blizzarding through the air, eventually creating enough weight to cause a huge maple tree branch to crack under its weight and fall to the ground. There are at least two inches on the ground and it doesn't look like it is ready to stop!

The big, mature, deciduous tree across the street must have broken sometime last night... What a mess this weather is leaving things! When it got down to 8 below in mid-April, after many plants, shrubs, and trees had started coming out of dormancy, huge numbers of pine trees died (everywhere you go in town, people are having companies remove huge, old pine trees from their yards), buds froze beyond repair (almost no lilacs this year!), and flowers that had begun to bloom died (not many tulips or daffodils!)

I think it might be time we just admit it... we need to be concerned about the warming of the surface of the earth's crust... we should be very concerned about, deeply... deeply in a deep kind of concerned way... it's not just liberal scientists and godless tax-raisers who are using "facts" and "scientific data" to make the current administration look bad... we just need to get nature to cooperate with us and we can beat this thing...

This is what we were greeted with this morning!

Polyester pants to potting soil.

2008-05-29T15:16:00.001-06:00

I put thank yous in teachers' mailboxes for filling out the Spring Faculty Advisory Survey. I have such a hard time remembering to do "niceys" like that... maybe it's because I don't care that much when I get one... I have to be better at remembering to thank people and give them credit for even the little things they do.

I told the teachers I would draw for prizes from among the people who had filled out the survey. I got a couple of things at Shopko including a Shopko gift certificate. I emailed everyone saying I had drawn for prizes and included a bit about each prize... I wrote:

Mary Lou - Ghirardelli Chocolate Squares (I know, I TOLD you they'd be fabulous!)
Ryan - A pack of G2s (If you haven't used these pens, you should start!)
Kelly - $10 gift certificate to Shopko (Socks & CDs, puppy chow or potting soil... Shopko really has it all!)

I was going to write "from polyester pants to potting soil - Shopko has it all..." but I was sure I'd get someone who would say I wasn't being kosher with our retail neighbors...

A bell's not a bell 'til you ring it.

2008-05-23T12:39:00.001-06:00

A bell's not a bell 'til you ring it.
A song's not a song 'til you sing it.
Love in your heart wasn't put there to stay.
Love isn't love 'til you give it away!”
~The Sound of Music

PGEC is such a unique place. Working in the basement of this building two days a week has been eye-opening in the best way. The PA system is in constant use with little pieces of information from Maryann (peppered with her humorous take on everything), people summoning kids to the office, and so on...

The very BEST thing that comes over the PA is news of "bell ringings." Since students graduate whenever they have enough credits to do so, there are sometimes a few graduations a week! Although they have a formal graduation ceremony at the end of the year, the immediate celebration of completion is the bell ringing.

The graduating student prepares to ring the big bell and a close friend is chosen to ring the second bell. Staff members, other students, and parents gather in the office to witness the incredibly happy event. Piped in over the intercom, Maryann will talk about the student... where he came from and where he is going... and maybe a humorous story about him...she will end with, "put your hands together for this awesome young person, our 40th graduate of the year!"

Then the bells start ringing and people are cheering! What a great celebration!

A heaping scoop of social graces.

2008-01-02T11:11:00.001-07:00

I wonder if some people make it their new year's resolution to be nicer... I deal with one person who is always just a snit... She is one of those people whose demeanor creates this need to take a deep breath before beginning any sort of dealings with her... she is the personification of the idiom "mountains out of mole hills."

Today I took a good, deep draw on the figurative flask in my desk drawer, dialed the phone, and used that smarmy, passive voice that we employ when we are trying to be non-confrontational wusses (which was stupid because what I was calling about wasn't a big deal anyway!)

I got a cooperative, cheery disposition in return! I was going to ask if it was really her, but I thought better (I use good judgement sometimes!)... I couldn't believe it - it was a nice, professional interaction!

My thoughts about the reasons for the change are three:

A) The new year's resolution theory listed above.
B) She needed a good break just like the rest of us.
C) Santa put a heaping scoop of social graces in her stocking!

Whichever way you slice it, good for her (being happy and pleasant has to be way easier!)... oh, and good for me (I absolutely hate exposing my underbelly just to appease a crabby snapdragon.)

What drives us anyway?

2007-12-31T12:31:00.003-07:00

Isn't it odd that we often let the strangest things drive us? We put our foot down and say - firmly - that we believe in THIS or THAT (and add in a "by God!" for emphasis) only to buckle and change our course the minute there is any resistence. I need to concentrate on the things I can change, the things I can control - but I don't. Instead, I feel up to HERE with frustration about the things that are completely out of my hands... maybe it is because I feel so strongly about THIS or THAT and when the wind shifts, I am completely deflated. I called it "disillusionment" to my friend sharing drinks and laughs one night... That's it, isn't it.